The African Adventures of Team Crow!

Home & Away!

2012-01-26T16:50:00.001Z

Well it has been an eventful week, both home and away.

On the home front, we have hosted a number of new friends, including multiple cockroaches and excitingly some bin-invading maggots, as well as a rat and a number of bats (which fly down the chimney). Just like his mum, Timmo does not like rats – as you can see, in his courageous attempts to coax the rat from his lair...

In addition, we have had no water for the past week, and when the water did finally flow... here is how it looked:

Fortunately, it cleared up soon enough, as we don’t think Sarah’s parents (who are arriving tonight!) would much like bathing in that.

On the work front...

For Sarah, it has been a very sad week at the hospital, with many babies dying of preventable conditions, but when she arrived at work on Monday to discover that three babies had died over the weekend due to anaemia, and a fourth then died in front of her eyes, she called up River of Life Church for help. Valiantly, they arrived en masse, all willing to donate, but the funniest moment came when Rob (one of the directors) tried to do his part. A small voice said “Sarah?”.... “Yes?” .... “I’m going to faint!”... And this was only after the finger prick. But all credit to him, he then went ahead and blood was dutifully squeezed from him. Consent has been obtained for publishing this photo of the brave soul!

The last few weeks for Tim have been taken up with organising this year’s football tournament - The Synergy Cup! There have been some eventful matches, but none more so than yesterday’s semi final, which involved a pitch invasion and near riot, after the referee and his assistant disallowed what would have been an equaliser at the end of extra time. The supporters even barred the entrance to the ground, as Tim tried to escort the refs off to safety. Thankfully we managed to get them away before anyone was injured. Even Brian, Tim’s right hand man in Synergy Sports, was nearly beaten by an angry mob of mechanics! It has caused us to hire a police presence for Saturday’s final, which we hope will be an altogether more peaceful affair!

Twas the season to be Jolly!

2012-01-06T15:24:00.001Z

Happy New Year to one and all! We hope that the festive season treated youall well, and that you have had a good start to 2012.

As the Christmas trees come down, and you start to work off those Christmas pounds we thought we would give you our highlights of the festiveseason:

Spotting two boys riding alongthe main road between Masaka and Nyendo on a camel (whilst common in someAfrican countries, this is the first Ugandan camel we have encountered);
Watching “Elf” with the WhiteEagles – and seeing good old Buddy save Christmas;

Christmas carols with mulledwine, mince pies and some rather unconventional “carols” including “Rudolph theRednose Reindeer” by Destiny’s Child!!
Enjoying a slap-up Christmasdinner with friends –including BBQ pork, stuffing, roast spuds, veg, gravy,homemade mincepies and custard;
Wolfing down delicious New Yearbeans and chapattis with our friend, Alison Gill (visiting from Burundi), andothers, followed by a drive around Masaka to take in the New Year excitement,including a very enthusiastic mob of people waving chairs in the air in thename of Jesus!
Meeting a friendly chameleoncalled Collin and finding our personal space invaded by a very precociouschicken called Charlie, who seems to have taken up residence in our garage(quite uninvited, and now even more so, since he has developed a habit ofpooing on Tim’s football equipment... Tim is therefore threatening to takedefinitive action, in inviting him for a roast chicken dinner, as the guest ofhonour!)

We are so grateful for all the support thatwe have received from all our friends and family, and really hope that you willkeep telling us your news. For any ofyou who haven’t yet checked out our Christmas serenade to you, go to:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qpihh1jXYSg

AND FINALLY…..

BARMY BODAS (continued)!

Probably the only Ugandan toactually make use of a rear view mirror!

Use It & You May Lose It!

2011-12-08T14:52:00.001Z

Below is a photo many of you will know from the classicearly 90s film, Home Alone. The question is, how do you elicit such a face froma child in Uganda, where having to deal with cack-handed and rather dim wittedrobbers is fairly common-place!

The answer is - send them to one of Dr. Sarah’s sessions onthe dangers of S.T.Is!

This week saw Dr. Sarah putting her communication skillsinto practice by teaching all the White Eagles about the delights of infectionsranging from Herpes to HIV!

Of particular effect, was Dr. Sarah’s vast array ofcarefully selected photographic evidence which elicited such responses as:

“Aaaayyyeeee!!! Eh eh eh – can you imagine the state of hislittle man, will it still work or will it drop off!??”

In the case of Donavonosis, whose side effects include autoamputation (feel free to Google pictures for yourselves), the answer was quiteliterally, yes it might indeed fall off, which of course was followed by manymore screams, squawks and exclamations in Luganda like “Mama Wange! MukamaSasira!” (Literal translation – “Mother of mine! Lord have mercy!”)

Altogether a successful session, and it certainly will havehelped our kids some way towards reaffirming their commitment to abstinencebefore marriage!

AND FINALLY…..

We want to take this opportunity tointroduce a new section of our blog called.....

BARMY BODAS!

Boda Bodas are Uganda’smotorcycle taxis, and it never ceases to amaze us the crazy things you findthem loaded up with, and the complete disregard they have for any sort of roadsafety!

Feel free to give us your own caption, todays instalment is below! Enjoy!

Fast Food - KFCs Ugandan Supplier!

Always Look On the Bright Side of Life!

2011-11-29T14:16:00.001Z

Apparently there are 2 types of people in this world: Glasshalf empty people and glass half full people. If you’re not sure which type youare then come to Uganda and it will no doubt become quickly apparent!

We are trying our best to be the latter, although this does,at times, take a bit of conditioning! One thing is clear, the longer we arehere the better we are at looking on the lighter side of every challenge!

For example:

(1) Somemight complain about having a very limited power supply. We say “hoorah” forour monthly electricity bill of only 6 pounds!

(2) Somemight see a flooded football pitch as a serious obstacle to footballexcellence. We however welcome the opportunity for developing Masaka’s veryfirst water sports project (and we played a competitive football match on itanyway)!

(3) Some(Sarah) might find the infestation of (killer) grasshoppers in our house a bittoo much to bear. Others (Tim) see it as an opportunity to test their stalkingprowess and lightning reactions, not to mention a tasty snack at the end!

(4) Somemight find the idea of spending two solid days washing dirty football kits abind. We welcome the sense of fulfillment,and the silky smooth hands!

There are some situations where a silver lining may be hard to see. For example, our friend spent the night in a prison cell for having failed to upgrade/downgrade (you decide!) his UK driving license to a Ugandan license. We suspect his wife struggled to see the positive side, especially since he was not given a phone call, so simply didn't come home one evening, leaving her fretting all night. However, perhaps in his situation, we might see a good opportunity to practice our Luganda? And, of course, it's a great story to tell the grandchildren! Still, best get on with sorting out our driving licenses, eh?

So if you need a place to hone your sense of optimism, youare most welcome to join us in Masaka! To quote “The Life of Brian” (who, letus be clear is NOT the Messiah, but a very naughty boy), “Always look on theBright Side of Life! Do do, do do do do do do!”

Lost in Translation? The joys of Luganda AND Sarah does some work!

2011-11-20T12:39:00.001Z

Greetings friends and family, today we hopeto share with you the joy and wonder of learning Luganda (the language spokenby the Baganda people who live in this area of Uganda, the kingdom of Buganda –we kid you not). Whilst we are strivingto improve, our efforts are not without associated difficulties. A sample to whet the appetite:

Mukama Afuga: the Lord Reigns!

Mukama Afuuka: the Lord becomes...

Mukama Afuka: the Lord passes urine!

Subtle changes can make all the differenceas you can see!

Luckily I think expectations for ourLuganda skills is limited, so actual offense-causing is similarly limited. It is fortunate for us that the people ofUganda are forgiving and friendly!

We also thought we might update you on whatwe are doing work-wise, in case you think all we do is entertain people by mispronouncingLuganda, and cruise the streets in Barry the Beefy Badboy Beast! Timmo willupdate you on his work another day, but I will talk a little bit about what Ihave been doing.

I have been working at Kitovu hospital onthe children’s ward and in outpatients, but have also been to Mulago hospitalin Kampala to start to learn more about clubfoot management (using manipulationand bracing, which is cheaper and more effective than surgery).

Working on the children’s ward involvesaccepting that at least 50% of my patients burst into tears immediately onseeing me, which is a bit disconcerting – I think perhaps they fear I am aghost (perhaps I should work on the tan a bit). And at least 70-80% of the mothers burst into laughter when I try out myLuganda. Sigh.

But it is good working there – veryrewarding, although scary at times. I amregularly out of my depth (managing comatose malaria patients, commencinganticonvulsant drugs, scratching my head over starting TB treatment, wonderingwhat to tell a mum whose baby appears to have a genetic disorder, trying todecide which sick children needs the oxygen concentrator most – the list goes on),but then spend most evenings fervently searching books, and the net, formanagement strategies and up to date research. I am learning a lot and am really very thankful for good internetaccess!

Barry The Beefy Badboy Beast!

2011-11-03T08:24:00.000Z

Many of you may recognise this picture ofan exuberant Jamal, from Slumdog Millionaire, post-voluntary dive into a pitlatrine. Before we continue, might wereassure you that this is not one of the things that we have delighted in sincearriving in Uganda (yet). However, wewere reminded of this scene, on a recent excursion to visit the project farm,on a typical day during Uganda rainy season.

Tim, having got the church pick-up stuck inthe mud, gallantly proceeded to try to escape, whilst our friend Rob (amongstother manly individuals) endeavoured to push. Neither had realised that the wheels have a catch that needs to beturned in order to engage the 4WD. SoRob ended up looking much like little Jamal, or perhaps even Augustus Gloopafter a dip in Willie Wonka’s chocolate River. Happy days!

Which leads us on nicely to Barry! Still traumatised by the premature demise ofour elderly rover, Ethel just prior to our departure to Uganda, (may hermetallic carcass rest in peace), we have been on the hunt to find a fittingUgandan equivalent! We therefore would now like to proudly introduce our Toyota Rav 4, which we have named Barry TheBeefy Badboy Beast (a.k.a. Bazza)!

Barry was purchased from the wife of aCatholic priest (get your head round that one if you can!) and is a welcomeaddition to our family. We feelextremely blessed to have found him, since he has all the main requirements:

4WD;
5 doors (easier to put car seats in, when the need arises in the future!);
Bootspace for medical supplies;
A youthful sprightliness, that understates the170,000km on his clock!

We hope that seeing his photo will entice youfrom far and wide to come and enjoy the soft caress of his seats on your booty!

Patience is a Virtue!

2011-10-25T13:02:00.000Z

James 5:8 “Be patient and stand firm, because the Lord’scoming is near.”

This week, we feel that this verse is very fitting as we getto grips with life in Uganda once again, and for 2 reasons:

Firstly it is fitting, as one of the paramount virtues thatone must possess in Uganda is patience.
Secondly, a number of times in this 3 weeks, one, or both ofus, have found ourselves wondering whether in fact we may see the return of theLord before we actually manage to:

Tuck into the starter we ordered about 5 years earlier fromthe lovely, albeit rather sloth-like waitress;
Find the elusive electrician who is always going to be therein 1 hour - (5 days, and many phone callslater, he’s still just an hour away from arriving!);
Get our visa sorted - of course, although the office shouldbe open every day, so far it has only been open once, and of course the man wasfar too busy with the very important task of testing the comfort of his chairwhilst picking his teeth to help us on that day!
Setting up our Ugandan Bank account and receiving our bankcards - 4 days of waiting for our account to be registered was followed by 2hours of waiting at the bank card window, only to then be informed that themachine was a "bit slow," and then another hour later, (after some pushing onTim’s part), the admission that the machine was actually broken! 5 days later,after trying each day, and another hours wait and our bankcards did,astonishingly, beat the return of the Lord! Hallelujah!!

He’s coming soon people – beready!!!

Team Crow Are On The R.O.L!!

2011-10-18T08:10:00.000Z

We are sitting in our house in Bwala, Masaka, reflecting on a busy first 2 weeks, much of which has been taken up with sorting out the house and scrubbing away layers of filth that have doubtless been here for many years! Tim has done some expert DIY (no sarcasm here!) and has managed to blow a few things up, while Sarah cheerily proceeded to nearly burn the house down by leaving electric hobs on whilst the cooker was directly under the wooden kitchen work surface!

Other than that, here are some of the stand out moments so far:

Being clamped on our second day whilst borrowing our friend’s car;

Sarah being attacked by a bat, then accidently half squashing it, and then making Tim dispatch it brutally with a door stop whilst it made traumatising squeaking sounds;

The White Eagle boys putting on a welcome home production, featuring the story of how Tim and Sarah met (including Ivan Mujuzzi in drag, shaking his booty. There was some confusion as to whether he was representing Tim or Sarah!!).

Sarah making the schoolboy error of confusing the very similar Luganda words for “water” and the rude word for “poo” and also finding out that her ipod Luganda app had given her a word for “please” that actually means “dog”! Classic!

It’s great to be back!

World's Scariest Police Chases - Uganda Edition!!

2009-06-05T11:13:00.005Z

Well my freinds, I've always said: "There's one thing I can say about living in Uganda, it's never dull!" Today I bring you another example but in order to take you through today's encounter let me hand you over to everybody's favorite Sheriff, Sheriff John Burnell (Ret.) - Channel 5 late night viewers know who I'm talkin about!

Sheriff Burnell: "Crazy Taxi Drivers....., Some of the world's most ridiculous police....., Cars built for 5 but carrying 10...., put these elements together and you have....THE WORLD'S SCARIEST POLICE CHASES.....IN UGANDA!!"

"Today: Wrong Taxi, Wrong Time! coming in at number 3 in our Top 10 List, Timothy Crow recites his experience of a hectic Police Chase - Ugandan Style!!"

Tim: "I was just doing what I always do, getting in a Taxi to Nyendo. The fact that it was carrying far too many passengers was nothing new, it's an everyday occurence here. What was a new experience however, was when a Ugandan Police Truck screeched to a halt besides us. 2 Policemen, armed with rifles, jumped out and ran towards our Taxi. The Driver started shouting! The 2 policemen pulled open the drivers door and front left passenger door. However, rather than handing himself over for whatever he'd done wrong (and the list could be rather long I'm sure!), the driver slamed his foot on the accelerator, swerving like a complete lunatic with the policemen still grabbing onto the doors!!"

"We narrowly missed hitting the police truck and nearly mowed down one of the policemen and then sped away at a speed which I was rather suprised that this ramshackle old Taxi could manage. As I and the other passengers looked back, the policemen were shouting: it seemed as though the driver of the police truck had stalled and they were some distance back!"

"I thought about jumping out, but knew that I would probably break a fair few bones so decided to enjoy the ride! And what a ride! Speeding past other road users, bouncing over potholes, narrowly escaping an abbrupt end with an oncoming Lorry."

"Still, on the up side it's the fastest ever trip I've made bewteen Masaka and Nyendo!"

Sheriff Burnell: "Tune in next time, for number 2 of our Top 10 Police Chases from around the world as a dangerous criminal makes a nifty getaway on a large goat in Nepal."

OPERATION A.R.K. 2009!

2009-05-16T13:45:00.003Z

James 2:17 says that "Faith without Action is dead!" Operation ARK is all about putting our faith into action by blessing our local community through Acts of Random Kindness!

It's also about UNITY and we were very excited this year to link up with youth from 6 other local churches here in Nyendo. In total over 115 youth attended over the course of the week as we hit the streets of Nyendo to show the Love of Jesus through meeting people's practical needs. It was a real triumph to see so many youth getting stuck in and willing to get their hands dirty and it's awesome to see how this vision has grown from the small beginnings of 15 River of Life Church Youth in 2008!

This year we focussed mainly on an area called Kakyafu which literally translates as "Rubbish." It's quite a fitting name, being one of the most notorious slums of Nyendo. But together, this week we have managed to make a real impact, cleaning the streets, painting people's houses, digging and cleaning out wells, and giving boxes of food and other essentials to those most in need. we have now decided that it should be re-named Okuyonja which means "Clean!"

Many were blessed, some became Christians, and many were challenged about their perceptions of Christians. One woman couldn't beliveve it when we didn't want any money for the box of food we gave her and commented "Wow - you guys are really showing a true Christianity!"
One Muslim man said "Hmm.....this is a real challenge for us Muslims, I wish we would do more practical things to bless our community!"

my favorite quote of the week comes from a 7 year old child however who ran to his mother saying "look what these people are doing, I think it shows that everyone should get saved!"

We have been so blessed by the efforts of our youth and are looking forward to Operation A.R.K growing in the future! It goes to show that actions really do speak louder than words!

Our Newest White Eagles!!

2009-03-13T10:16:00.002Z

With a week left now before I head back to the UK for Easter I thought I must make sure I take the time to introduce you to the 2 newest member’s of the White Eagle family – Kellen and Kelvin.

It’s actually quite a tragic story, as many stories are here in Uganda, but as always God has the power to turn these things round to good! Kellen in 13 years old, and was found by our project manager’s Emily’s husband who is a doctor, at Kitovu Hospital where he works in the paediatric ward. Kellen was raped by 2 men on the way to see her aunt one night and as a result became pregnant.

She had been staying with her grandmother, but it was very clear that her family were not in a position to give her the care she needed as a child herself who was about to give birth to her own child after such a awful assault. We decided to take her into the girl’s home and a week after being taken in she gave birth to little Kelvin on 28th February.

Miraculously, even though Kellen is so young, she had a normal delivery which from start to finish only took 1 hour and 15 minutes! We were concerned about how Kellen would feel about her baby but so far things are going very well and all the girls are very excited to have a new little brother in the girl’s home! Kellen is an absolute star and is settling in very well. Obviously there is a lot of emotional healing that needs to take place, but she’s in the right place for that to happen!

So there you have it, the White Eagle Family grows ever larger!

DOUBLE GLORY AS BALL-LINE TIGERS AND EMMANUEL HOTSPURS TAKE THE CUPS!!

2009-01-27T10:03:00.003Z

Another LMC Cup of Masaka has come to an end and in two of the mos-t closely contested finals the tournament has known it was Ball-line Tigers who were crowned Junior Champions, and Emmanuel Hotspurs, formerly The White Eagle's Dappers of Devastation, who took an unprecedented 4th straight title in the Senior Section.

BALL-LINE TIGERS TAKE CUP IN EPIC PENALTY SHOOT-OUT!

In the Junior Final, no one could had expected the drama that would unfold. Ball-line Tigers, with their silky passing moves and pace up front had a dream start when Kabanda was upended in the box and the Referee pointed to the spot.

The dream turned into a nightmare however when Kabanda blazed his penalty well over the bar and out of the stadium. He redeemed himself only minutes later when a bouncing ball caught the Hipipo keeper in no-man's land and Kabanda slotted an easy header into an empty net for 1-0.

The joy was short lived. Hipipo were stirred into action and as they pressed for an equaliser they were awarded their own penalty as Kaketo handled inside the box. Semugenyi kept a cooler head then his adversary Kabanda had earlier done and cracked his penalty beyond Muyimba. 1-1 at half time.

The second half was a story of missed chances and moments of keeping brilliance. 1-1 it remained and the title would be decided by a penalty shoot-out.

It was Hipipo who drew first blood, slotting their first penalty whilst the Tigers hit the post. Each subsequent player kept a cool head and left the score at 4-3 with Hipipo's Keeper stepping up knowing that all he had to do was to score in order to cover himself with glory and allow his team to take the cup. He powered it towards the bottom left hand corner but Muyimba went the right way and clasped the ball into his chest to send the Tigers fan's into a frenzy. Umaru still had to score for the Tigers, and did so with aplomb sending the shoot out into sudden death.

Both teams scored their first, 5-5....and their second,6-6....

…But with the pressure mounting Hipio's Kityo put his strike against the post. There was a moment of confusion as ecstatic Tigers fan's and even manager Walusimbi, stormed the pitch thinking they had won! The refs quickly dispersed the crowd pointing out that the Tigers still had to score their penalty.

Up stepped Kabanda, top goal scorer with 10 goals to his name. Could he put his earlier penalty miss out of his mind?? The answer was yes as he spanked the ball firmly beyong the flailing keeper. Kabanda fell to the ground and was soon immersed in his fellow Tigers and crazed supporters. An amazing end to a fabulous encounter.

EMMANUEL HOTSPURS RETAIN TITLE IN HARD ERANED VICTORY OVER NTAKE.

Emmanuel Hotspurs, defending champions and tournament favourites Vs Ntake F.C., arch rivals and the only real team capable of toppling the Hotspurs from their pedestal, was a game widely anticipated here in Nyendo.

As the sun finally beat down on a rain-drenched pitch that had only been made playable thanks to “Dan the Man” and his trusty jerry can, used to remove the standing water, the crowds were in good song at Kasana and knew they were in for a treat.

Like any good derby, the tone was set early with some crunching challenges and 2 yellow cards in the first 10 minutes. Neither side were going to take any prisoners!

As the first half moved on it was the Hotspurs who seemed to settle. Their tight control and one touch passing put Fred through on the right who’s cross was blocked providing the Hotspurs with a corner. Fred’s delivery from the corner was “Beckhamess” and Kalisa was left unmarked at the back to power in the first for the Hotspurs.

Into the second half and the match was well balanced. The Hotspurs pressed for the second but Ntake always looked dangerous on the counter.

Ntake had a glorious chance to equalise when Walusimbi, usually so sturdy at the back, played a criminal pass across his own box allowing Owen to steal in. Walusimbi scrambled across and did just enough to put Owen off who blazed high and wide. It was a sitter that should really have hit the net but instead the ball went clean out of the stadium, over the houses and took several minutes to retrieve. In this short interlude the crowd were entertained as Crichlow the Cow broke loose of his fastening and made a bolt for freedom across the pitch. Criclow was eventually subdued and showed his dismay by pooing next to the corner flag!

Minutes later the Hotspurs had the second they had pushed for, A sweeping move sliced the Ntake defence apart and Sam, bearing down on goal, unselfishly laid it off for Javira to dink past the keeper and give the Hotspurs some breathing room.

Ntake’s almost unbelievable miss from 6 yards 5 minutes later was a sign that it was not their day and Emmanuel Hotspurs saw out the match, 2-0 winners and Champions Once again!!

Junior Final Postponed After Torrential Downpour

2009-01-25T07:17:00.001Z

Today’s Junior Final was postponed due to adverse weather conditions and a flooded pitch. In what should be dry season, it seems particularly unfortunate that it rained ALL day – something very unusual in Uganda, even during the wet season. It now means that both finals will have to be played tomorrow (Sunday) and everyone is holding their breath to see what the weather will do.

As we gear up for tomorrow’s finals, we have had confirmed reports that Emmanuel Hotspurs player/manager Tim Crow is likely to miss the Final after an injury sustained in training on Thursday evening.

It seems that Crow was overtaken by the mental condition, widely known as “complete and utter lack of common sense,” a condition rife in this Ugandan setting. Spectators describe how he took to the field BARE FOOTED and limped off only minutes later after an elaborate attempt at a volley went horribly wrong.

Team Physio “Aussie Nick” confirmed: “It is indeed an injury that has plagued many of the English Stars, the dreaded mashing of the metatarsal. His foot is pretty raggo and he could be out for some time”

When asked whether Dr. Nick could work his magic and have Crow ready for the final he replied: “Cripes mate! There is only so much I can do with a bandage and a can of deep heat – I’m not a miracle worker you flammin’ Galar!!”

Crow is said to be “gutted” but says that it will give him a chance to focus solely on his managerial skills as Emmanuel Hotspurs face their toughest opponents of recent years – Ntake F.C., in tomorrow’s show down.

A pitch inspection at 10:00am will confirm whether the surface at Kasana Stadium offers playable conditions after this week’s unseasonal downpours, which left the pitch waterlogged for a number of days. Dan Ngobya has kindly offered the services of “his spade, some sand and some hard graft with the lads” as soon as he gets back from collecting Crichlow the Cow from the village, in order to try and get the pitch ready!

LMC CONFEDERATIONS CUP OF MASAKA 2009 - TOURNAMENT UPDATE!!

2009-01-23T08:26:00.004Z

You join in the lead up to the finals here in Masaka. For 2 weeks both Junior and Senior teams have been battling it out in this year's LMC Cup, and as always there has been the fair share of wonderous goals, horrendous errors, errant tackles, red cards and the odd moment of controversy to keep the crowds cheering, jeering and screeching with laughter! Flooded pitches, stolen nets, and the odd streaker have all added some spice to the Ugandan delicacy that is THE LMC CONFEDERATIONS CUP OF MASAKA!!

JUNIOR DRAW

In the Junior draw, the main interest has been in the battle of the Academies. Ball-line Academy, directed by the footballing legend Tim Crow, and managed by Uganda's most talented Left Footer, Walusimbi, had 2 teams in the tournament both of which breezed through their group stages and respective quarter fianls, to meet each other in the semis. Ball-line Tigers won through against Ball-line Kobs 3-0, courtesy of some shambolic keeping.

They will meet Hipipo F.C. their arch rivals and another academy team, who won their Semi Final against a spirited Super Eagles, this years Wild Card Team, who had earlier surpassed everyone's expectations by sweeping aside The Destroyer F.C. 6-0 in their Quarter Final with a cracking hatrick from Semfuka.

JUNIOR FINAL: Hipipo F.C. Vs Ball-line Tigers - Live at 3:45pm Saturday 24th Jan on SuperSports 3.

SENIOR DRAW

In the Senior Draw, last years Winners, The White Eagle's Dappers of Devastation, renamed "Emmanuel Hotspurs" for this year's competition, have again been in irrisistable form. 3-0, 7-0, and 3-0 wins in their group stage matches ensured their progress to the semi finals where it was a repeat of last year's final match up against Spanner Seniors F.C. In a close game at Kasana the Hotspurs won through 2-1 and again have a chance to retain their champion status that has not been wrestled from them since the tournamnet's conception in 2005.

The team that will try to topple them is a team well known to them: Ntake F.C. Ntake managed to set up this final show down by sqeeking through against the Lucky Boys - (not so Lucky on this occasion), in a 4-3 win on Penalties after 2 cracking long range free kicks had left the match 1-1 at Full time.

Forget Tottenham Vs Arsenal or Man City Vs Man Utd, Emmanuel Hotspurs Vs Ntake F.C. is a local Derby that has the masses salivating with anticipation! Don't miss what promises to be the finest, most strongly contested Cup Final this tournament has ever seen!

SENIOR FINAL: Emmanuel Hotspurs Vs Ntake F.C. - Live at 3:45pm Sunday 25th Jan on SuperSports 1.

Back to Business!

2008-10-01T08:37:00.004Z

Well my friends, yet again I find myself apologising for not updating this blog enough!! But yes, after a fantabulous, (albeit rather hectic) summer, I find myself back In the Pearl of Africa that is the Uganda massive!! Brap!!

Oh and how I love it: the crappy internet that takes 2 hours to send a few e-mails; the power that goes off just as the e-mail you’ve spent 2 hours trying to send looks like it might be about to go somewhere; the shower that you have to spend a months budget on to get fixed 3 times in one week only for it just to blow up again, ahhhh I could go on and on!!! Hey - anyone who needs to learn some lessons in patience let me tell you, Uganda is your destination my friend!!

But truly I do love Uganda and it’s good to be back (especially to the cracking equatorial sunshine – how nice after a typical British summer of rain, rain and yes, camping in the rain!!!)

We are just about to start up the building work on the Boy’s Home again, after the triumphant Manchester to Blackpool cycle ride this summer, which raised almost £17,000!! Unbelievable, and I can safely say I’d happily violate my bottom again in a similar way if it means raising such fabulous amounts of money for such a worthy cause! I realise that I may stand alone however! I know at least 1 participant who found the whole experience so traumatising that she hasn’t ridden a bicycle since!! (Mentioning no names….but she’s a doctor….he he!!)
On a less happy note, we had to ask 2 of the boys to leave the project 2 weeks ago due to some ongoing problems we were having with them to a point where we felt they posed a serious risk to the safety of others. It’s really heart-breaking because the White Eagle Project is a family at heart. We are learning however that a line has to be drawn somewhere!

Still, I’ve been meeting with one of these boys to continue mentoring him and the whole experience has given him the kick up the backside that he needs. I really believe there’s hope for him yet and God’s on his case so I’ve no doubt it will be turned around to a powerful testimony somehow! Please pray for him.

With Duncan and Mary still in the UK and our Project manager Emily having been quite sick, it means it’s been rather busy! I’m also trying every big company and their auntie to try and get funding for our yearly football tournament, which will take place in January. Lots of interest so far but until I have the money in my hand I can’t rest on my laurels!!

So anyway, it’s back in at the deep end, but that’s good cos they say it’s the quickest way to learn how to swim. Having said that I can’t say I actually know a single person who learnt to swim like that! “In you go son…..that’s right kick your legs….try not to swallow so much water….no don’t be silly, you're not drowning…...Oh tits, where’s he gone??” What a lovely enduring image to leave you with!!

ADVENTURES FROM MANCHESTER TO BLACKPOOL -

2008-07-10T11:03:00.004Z

So here's the deal! A whole group of us, being intrepid explorers and thrill seekers who live life on the edge are set for a true adventure come this Sunday!

We will be cycling from Manchester to Blackpool (60 miles) in order to Raise money for the Building Project for the White Eagle's Boy's Home. "How is that an adventure?" I hear you ask. To that I would answer with the following 4 points:
(1) The training for this adventure, more especially on my part has been....non existant...so it could be interesting!
(2) This Adventure for me will be off the back of a day's hardcore cricketting, a long drive and fairly little sleep...making the challenge even greater!
(3) My bum gets sore after cycling down the road leave alone 60 miles!
(4) I made the stupid offer that if it would help raise more money I'd do the last mile naked....I have a horrible feeling I might regret that. However, I've thought about it and if we raise over £5000 I'm up for it!!!

So, come on people! You know it makes sense! You can help give a better life to our Boys, and if nothing else think of our poor botties!!

THE MOST HORRIFIC TALE YOU MAY EVER HEAR (PART 3!)

2008-05-24T12:37:00.002Z

So yeah, I realise that these are becoming a bit of a regular feature on my blog and I had never expected that when I wrote of my first unimaginably horrific experience that it would end up being the first part of a trilogy. However, today’s tale is TRULY stomach-turningly atrocious! I’m still shivering with the thought!

Anyway, let me paint the scene: I have these past few days been suffering with flu/chest infection/malaria (doctors opinion is second and third options, my opinion is just the first 2!). Anyway, yesterday morning I stumbled out of bed, half asleep and in a fragile state. I went into the bathroom and started washing my face. However, after a few seconds I stopped. “This soap smells a bit….funky” I thought. I opened my eyes to look at the soap…(brace yourselves, some of you may even need a bucket close at hand, cos this is rank!)…the soap had poo all over it! Splurgghhhhh!! Can you imagine? Truly, unimaginably, awfully, horrendously NASTY!

Now some of you may be wondering why? Well we have some of the youngest of the White Eagles staying with us in Bwala at the moment. Some of their toilet habits leave a little bit to be desired! I’m guessing one of them forgot that there’s such a thing as toilet paper, used their hand to wipe their batty and then washed their hands….badly!!!

Anyway, at that exact moment in time I wasn’t thinking about questions like why? I was just dumb-struck in horror. And in that moment of silent disgust, a tune came into my mind. Some of you may remember back in the day, summertimes at revival camp, and the legendary game that Timothy and Co. came up with in the youth tent entitled “Poo in your Face!” Others with good memories may even remember the theme tune that accompanied it (sung, nay, screamed to the chords from Nirvana’s ‘smells like teen spirit!” You know…the one we screeched at top volume and had people rush in from the main tent to shut us up cos they were having a “spiritual moment” in the big top and all they could hear was us screaming about Poo in your face! Yeah, you remember! The very same game that we were banned from playing because some idiotic father thought we were using real poo! Now you’re with me!) So yes, as I stood there stupefied in horror, all I could hear was this tune: “Poo in your face, Poo in your face, Poo in your face, Poo in your face, AHHHHHHHHH, AHHHHHHH, AHHHHHHH digga digga digga digaa POO IN YOUR FACE!”

Ahhhh, Uganda! Never fails to throw up some interesting situations!! Gotta love it really, albeit in a sometimes horrifying way!

p.s. a little note regarding the picture that accompanies this post: What ever happened to all those old skool joke shops that were around in the 80s? If anyone knows of any in the South East London area please let me know!

OPERATION A.R.K

2008-05-24T11:27:00.003Z

(Imagine the theme tune to mission impossible starting….) Your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to grab your paintbrushes, spades, brooms and food boxes and to go and bless the people of Mabera. Clean their streets, paint their houses and shops, feed those most in need, pray for their needs and have a right good laugh whilst you’re at it! THIS is OPERATION A.R.K!!

So last week 25 youth (with a few willing adults and kids thrown into the mix) hit the streets of Mabera (a run down part of Nyendo) as part of Operation A.R.K (Acts of Random Kindness). This is a vision that Julius and I as youth leaders have had for some time and finally we’re making it a reality! It’s basically a Soul in The City Style mission, and the wonderful thing is that there is never any need to think up ideas of what to do because the need is everywhere, starring you in the face!

So we painted peoples’ houses and shops (and each other!), cleaned the streets, gave food boxes to the poorest families and showed them the love of Jesus! They were blessed, some were saved, one old lady has even joined our church and this is only just the beginning!! Watch this space!!! BRAP!!

ADVENTURES IN THE JUNGLE!

2008-05-06T07:59:00.002Z

Well, the White Eagles have worked long and hard all term and have finally reached their holidays. In order to reward them for their efforts we decided “what better way for them to enjoy a well deserved break than to set them to work clearing the jungle that is Kibaya Farm!”

Now of course I’m hamming it up - I don’t want you to think we’re using these boys for slave labour! And the truth is its been fantastic fun! Give a group of lads a pile of machetes and a load of bush to clear and we can keep ourselves very happy for hours!! And of course this being Uganda, the work is generously interspersed with long ‘tea breaks’, ‘banter breaks’, ‘posing with machetes breaks’, ‘sitting down for no other reason than we’re a bit tired breaks’ and so on!!

So for 3 days, myself and 15 of the lads would spend the day happily hacking away and then head off to Bwala for a slap up meal, a chat with the Duncan and Mary about burning issues like money, integrity and sex and then hit the hay!

And of course Uganda is a country of true adventure and indeed these days had their share of incidents! We’ve had some exciting encounters with snakes and most excitingly with a small dragon (well, a humongous monitor lizard actually and I have to be honest and tell you that we encountered this not at the farm whilst hacking the jungle, but in Bwala atop a rubbish pile!) Anyway, lets not get tied up in technicalities, as you can see from the photo it was the size of a small alligator. I must say at that moment I could have been likened to a small child who’s had far too much sugar and gets so excited that he then wees in his pants a little bit! (Although let me state for the record that I did manage to stay dry – but only just!!)

All in all a thoroughly fantastically excellent 3 and a half days really! Machetes, snakes, dragons, large amounts of matoke, chats about Sex and even a bit of football in the garden with jumpers for goalposts! What more could a boy want?! Life is good!

The most Horrific Tale you may ever hear (except for perhaps the other story that I gave exactly the same title to a while back!)

2008-04-08T08:57:00.002Z

Every so often I have a truly shockingly bad experience here in Uganda. The last time I wrote a story with such a title involved a very large cockroach in my bed that even decided to take an excursion onto my face and which I only JUST managed to kill before the power suddenly went off! (A truly close call!)

Well, a few days ago I had another terrifying experience and one which will once again take some time, and no doubt a certain amount of counselling to recover from!

I must first explain the state of mind I was in that day because, much as what I did was inexcusable, I would like to claim some element of insanity. I had had a ridiculously busy few days off the back of a busy few weeks. In fact I had not had a proper day off for almost 3 weeks and was feeling the strain.

I awoke in the morning to realise that in 10 minutes I was scheduled to be giving a computer lesson down at the church so in a half asleep state fumbled around and jumped into Duncan’s car to head down to the church.

It was as I was driving that the shameful, unimaginably awful moment of realisation occurred to me. I was thinking, “driving this car seems strange this morning...it feels a bit weird...”

I looked down, and lo and behold....and please brace yourself my friends because this was a scenario I had never fully prepared myself for....I was wearing SOCKS AND SANDALS!!!!

It was a terrible, terrible moment best described by the famous words towards the end of the classic Vietnam war film, Apocalypse Now: “The horror......the horror.....”

Please pray for me friends, it may be many months before I can face society again

Easter Shenanigans!!!

2008-04-08T08:38:00.002Z

Well, Easter has come and gone and I must apologise for being rubbish at updating my blog recently!

Whilst the White Eagle’s don’t get their holidays for another 3 weeks, thankfully they were let out of school for a long Easter weekend which we made the most of, the highlight of which was a trip to Lake Nabugabo. At this point I should probably say that we had a special guest with us, a rather fabulous girl called Sarah from the UK who had come to work with us for 2 weeks.

It was therefore good that we had a trip to the Lake as she was given the baptism of fire that is the journey there and back all crammed into the back of a truck (great fun although I have to say I was a little disappointed at the lack of break-neck speeds which usually go hand in hand with these trips. It seems the drivers are actually starting to realise that there’s something called “speed limits” mores the pity!)

The weather was no less than superb, we slaughtered and munched a whole pig as usual, played volleyball, swam and DANCED! For the first time that I can remember we had the inspired idea of taking the PA equipment and danced like rabid monkeys (some more than others)! My personal highlight was seeing the large frame of Mama Kat being shaken all over the place like a woman possessed by the power of Funk! (you know say!!) All in all, a really rather fantabulous day!

Oh…and with regards to the cheeky little lady that is Sarah Giles, well now, that’s a WHOLE other story, and one probably best left for me to tell in person rather than over the internet!!! ;-)

Timmo’s Personal Ponderous Proverbs - Verse 5

2008-03-05T13:32:00.006Z

“The man that mocks will sooner or later find that a lesson in humility will come his way and HE will end up being the object of others shameful hilarity!”

I have always thought about aerobics with a certain amount of mirth! The idea of fat ladies in spendex throwing their wobbly bits around to some hardcore dance tracks, led by a slightly pervy muscular man with bulges protruding from his tight fitting lycra shorts for some reason always made me laugh!

Well, this weekend in Kampala whilst visiting some friends I was invited to attend an aerobics session. “fabulous!” I thought, “this will be a right good laugh!”

So off to Aerobics I trotted with Jjunju Fred, Jon, Katherine and Gemma. I walked in to see an array of Ugandans ranging from fairly fit to “rotund” (to put it nicely!). Then to my delight in walked the instructor – yes, he had tight bulging lycra shorts, and looked like he loved himself a bit too much! I smiled to myself, looking forward to a much needed giggle!

Well, off we went at a scorching pace. Take a moment if you will, to imagine Mr Motivator drugged up to the eyeballs with ecstasy and blapsing out crazy moves to insanely fast African Ragga beats! Perhaps another way to imagine it would be watching a recording of an English aerobics session on fast-forward! Well, if you have those images in your mind, you’re pretty close to my first experience of Ugandan aerobics! With Jjunju Fred in front of me totally ignoring the instructor and just enjoying his own “special” musical interpretation through the medium of dance, I certainly got the good laugh I’d come for.

That was for the first 10 minutes…..

After about 10 minutes I started feeling a bit tired and stopped laughing. After 20 minutes I was really struggling. Looking around I discovered that even the flabby Ugandan lady with an astronomical batty behind me was thoroughly enjoying herself and keeping up. Indignant that I wouldn’t be outdone by “Maama Bombastic Batty” I gritted my teeth, took a swig of water and kept going. Needless to say, the smile was well and truly wiped off my face by now!

After a further 10 minutes I felt quite nauseous. At this point I had 2 choices, both of which were rather shameful to me. Either take a break, or carry on with the possible outcome of either vomiting everywhere or perhaps even dying. I took the first option.

I went outside and collapsed on the floor muttering to myself. It was then I looked over and saw a bunch of Ugandan woman laughing at me. Oh the shame! One even dug the knife in by coming over and asking if I needed help “you look unwell, perhaps you should lie down!” Well! Really!! I couldn’t have this! I’d come to aerobics to have a laugh at some flabby Ugandans and now it was I who was the object of mockery! I composed myself, and after having stern words with myself, (which yes did involve the phrase “C’mon Bitch” – I know my sisters were wondering!) I felt ready for a second wind!

Well, all I can say is that God gave me strength – they were onto the step aerobics by now – an utterly confusing mix of stepping on bits of wood, kicking legs in the air, punching imaginary opponents and a fair amount of spinning around and booty shaking.

Somehow I got through it and was relieved when the music stopped and everyone started stretching. Home time – Hallelujah…Oh praise be to God, this nightmare is over! I could have kissed someone! But no, it was a cruel, cruel trick, it wasn’t the end at all but simply a “breather!” Everyone was getting mats to do another set of exercises. I felt I was going to die right there. I think God realised at this point that I had learnt enough humility for one day and provided me with his saving grace! My phone rang – it was my parents. He had provided a legitimate way out without losing any more face – Thank You Jesus.

Well, lesson learned! Never again will I mock aerobics, I have a new found respect for those that put themselves through such an experience every week! I thanked the Lord for teaching me humility but also made a point of asking him to do it differently next time!

What ever did happen to Mr Motivator by the way??

Timmo's Personal Ponderous Proverbs - Verse 4

2008-02-07T13:17:00.000Z

Well my friends, it's been a long time since I've shared one of my pearls of wisdom so here is the latest one for you meditate on:

“The Man who findeth a blister on his toe and yet findeth that it doth not hurt should be wary of what he may find inside.”

Having recently played a lot of football I was not surprised the other day to find what I thought was a large blister on one of my toes. However on closer examination I discovered that when touching it, it did not hurt in the slightest. This I found strange as blisters, even when only small, sting like hell. It was then that I remembered back to my early days in Uganda in 2000 when I had a similar blister looking ailment of the toe.

Knowing what needed to be done I sent for Tom, who not only is a very good gardener but also dabbles in small-scale surgical procedures. Armed with a sharp pin he skilfully undertook this simple, yet life saving (or at least toe-saving) procedure. Scraping away the top-skin he finally exposed the little fella that had been living snugly inside my toe a “jigga” or worm! All part and parcel of life in Uganda my friends!

Oh, and Tom says could I please promote his business so yes, Tom’s surgery is open 9-5 every day, by way of appointment for a range of small-scale procedures including jigga removal, anti-malarial suppository insertion (complete with Vaseline lubrication) and rabies injections along with a limited range of ‘erbal remedies!

Unstoppable White Eagles Dappers Claim Third Straight Title!

2008-01-30T13:41:00.000Z

There were mixed fortunes for the White Eagle’s junior and senior teams in the climax of this years LMC Confederations cup of Masaka.

The Junior White Eagles Bombastical Bredrins went into their rematch of last years final with Nyendo Kids club with high hopes of exacting revenge for last years defeat. However things did not start well with a slip in the first 5 minutes by the keeper Bonni, gifting the simplest of goals to Nyendo. This ended up being the only goal in the first 45 minutes as chances were at a premium in what can only be described as a war of attrition.

The Bredrins, roused by half time encouragement from Pastor Duncan and manager Ngobya Dan, ploughed on but things turned from bad to worse when Kyagulanyi, leading scorer with 7 goals, took his tally to 8 with a fine strike for Nyendo. The response was swift with a long range free kick from Dauda bringing hope for the Bredrins. However, a further 2 strikes for Nyendo saw them retain the cup with the Bredrins once again falling at the last hurdle. Nyendo it was who deservedly took the trophy along with Rupert the goat, 4-1 winners on the day.

In the Senior section The White Eagles Dappers of devastation breezed through their semi final 5-1 winners over Kimanya to meet Laisi Windscreen F.C who won a thrilling penalty shoot out on sudden death in their semi fianl against Nyendo Seniors.

The Dappers showed no respect for the top scoring team Laisi Windscreen, scorers of an unprecedented 30 goals on their way to the finals. With sweeping moves of one touch passing the Dappers quality was on another level as goals from Dausi, Kivumbi and Javira put them 3-0 up at the break. A goal a-piece for each side at the start of the second half made it 4-1, and a fine header from Ntayilo gave Laisi Winscreen hope at 4-2. This was before an inspired double substitution with Tim Crow and Jon Room entering the field of play which injected new life and pace into the Dappers midfield and striking line. This enabled the Dappers to add a further 2 goals, the last of which was a fine breakaway strike as Crow put Room through to score a goal on his first appearance for the Dappers since his recent move from Oxford United.

6-2 it finished and a delighted Dappers team raised the trophy for the third time in as many years before moving onto the greater task of feasting on Callum the Cow!!

White Eagles March On!

2008-01-23T13:10:00.000Z

WHITE EAGLES BOMBASTICAL BREDRINS 4 - THE DESTROYER F.C. 2

The Bredins entered this semi-final match high in confidence after their composed performance in beating Spanner Youngsters in the quarter-finals. They could not rest on their lorels however as their opponents, The Destroyer F.C. had previously beaten Spanner Youngsters in the group stage in a thrilling 3-2 win, coming back from 2-0 down. They also lived up to their name in destroying the hopes of Ntake F.C. in a 2-0 win in their quarter final match on Friday.

The first half was a a goal-fest that swung one way and then the other. In what can only be described as an onslought, the Bredrins took a 4-0 lead in just 25 minutes with strikes from Serunjoje, Dauda, Brian and Umaru. And it could have been worse for the Destroyer were it not for some wastefull striking by Serunjoje and Brian who could have, and should have made it 6!

As is so often the case, missed chances can come back to haunt you and no sooner should the game have been put beyond doubt, that the Destroyer found their feet and in 2 minutes of maddness from the Bredrins the score was suddenly 4-2. The second goal deserves special mention as it was a superb 25-yard strike when the Destroyer number 8 was left with far too much space.

The Destroyer had tasted the come-back and pushed on. It was only some last gasp defending that ensured that the Bredrins still went in at half time with a 2 goal lead.

If the first half was a goal fest, the second half was anything but, with neither keeper having to pick the ball out of their net. The Destroyer keeper however had a very busy half as the Bredrins broke upon the Destroyer defence like a crashing wave. Once again, some wasteful striking was to blame for the Bredrins tally staying put, although in fairness the besieged Destroyer defence and keeper put up stiff resistance that enabled them to leave the tournamwnt with some dignity.

The Bredrins will need to be more clinical come Saturday afternoon when they will face a re-match of last years final against Nyendo Kids Club (formaly Express F.C.). The question is, will the Bredrins have their revenge and take the trophy, or will they once again fall at the last hurdle? Watch this space!

White Eagles "Soar" in LMC Confederations Cup!

2008-01-23T11:46:00.000Z

WHITE EAGLES BOMBASTICAL BREDRINS 2 - SPANNER YOUNGSTERS 2
(WHITE EAGLES WIN 4-3 ON PENALTIES)

This years LMC Confederations Cup of Masaka has so far been nothing less than Fantabulous! With 22 teams, just under 400 players and a good dose of African energy the tournament has seen some of Uganda's best young footballing talent on display, with a FEAST of wonderous strikes, the odd upset, agonising heartbreak and moments of pure ecstasy!

On the Junior side, the White Eagles Bombastical Bredrins performed admirably in the group stage with a win and a draw to take them through to the quarter final stage where they met one of the most physically challenging junior teams - Spanner Youngsters, a local garage team. Going into the match as underdogs, it was in fact the Bredrins who delivered a masterclass in sweeping passing moves as they scored 2 well constructed goals to lead 2-0 at half time, Serunjoje and Umaru the scorers.

In the second half however Spanner exerted their physical presence to force the issue and with a penalty goal mid-way thorough the half, the pressure was back on the Bredrins. Although the Bredrins pushed for a third it was Spanner Youngsters who took their chance with a last gasp strike that took this quarter final show-down into a dreaded penalty shoot-out.

You would expect that with their tails up, Spanner would be the more confident going into the roulette that is the penalty shoot-out but in the end it was the Bredrins who held their nerve to seal a 4-3 win and a tough semi-final meeting against The Destroyer F.C.
___________________________________________________

WHITE EAGLES DAPPERS OF DEVASTATION 5 - BLACKSTARS 1

Last years' senior winners, the White Eagle's Dappers of Devastation, had a smooth ride to the quarter finals with 3-1, 3-0, 3-0 and 5-1 wins in their groups stage as they topped the group without dropping a single point.

With a weight of expectation upon them they met Blackstars at Kitovu Stadium in their quarter final. The pressure seemed to show as they labourted in the 30 degree heat and the first 20 minutes saw the Dappers miss a host of gilt-edged chances.

Fianlly in the 25th minute the Tall defender Dausi, rose above the Blackstars defence to score the oponer from a corner. Minutes later he rose again in what was almost a carbon copy of the first goal to put the Dappers 2-0 up. However a mix up between Katongole the keeper and Dausi saw the ball roll into the Dappers net just before half time for a very soft goal and a reduction of the deficit to 2-1.

The second half performance was a tale of goals and cards. Although the Dappers mid-field and striking line missed another host of chances against a limp Blackstars side, they did manage to add a further 3 goals to their tally. This did however come at the expense of 2 yellow cards and 1 straight Red. Bickering in the Dappers team led to the referee brandishing his Red card for the first time this year against the skillful striker Kalisa, followed by yellows for Makela and Kasujja. Kalisa will no doubt be kicking himself for the stupidest of red cards that will mean he will watch the rest of the tournamnet from the touch line. A sad end to his tournamnet but hopefully not an end for the Dappers who will meet Kimanya F.C. in the semis.

All in all, job done for the Dappers, but not without it's costs.

Boy's Home Building Update!

2008-01-23T11:24:00.000Z

many apologies goes out to one and all for the fact that I haven't updated my blog for alomost 2 months! Shocking!

Anyway, I had a fabulous Christmas back in the UK where I also enjoyed 2 weddings, the first a good friend's, and the second my eldest sisters both of which were botty-shakingly raggadoodoo!

Anyway, when I left Uganda at the end of December I left when the building work on the second phase of the Boys Home had just began. This includes a living room/dining room, 2 toilets, a shower and a kitchen.

7 years after the first 6 rooms of the boys home were completed it's fantastic to finally have the finances to continue with the building work. Of course, thanks goes out to all those who have given money to help us in this venture but I should say that we still need about another 14,000 pounds to complete the whole house in its entirity. So anyone with some spare money lying around wondering what to do with it, look no further - this is the project for you!!

Coming back 2 weeks ago I was pleasantly suprised at just how well the building work is going, some things take for ever in Uganda but thankfully not this project! Already the main structure is up and the roofing will be completed within a week or 2. I'll keep you all posted as the building continues!

RABU'S BOMBASTICAL HIMALAYAN ADVENTURES!!

2007-12-04T09:51:00.000Z

Writing this in retrospect a couple of weeks after returning from my Himalayan adventure I have to pinch myself to make sure it wasn’t all a sublime dream! It’s hard to believe that I was blessed enough to see 4 of the 5 world’s highest mountains in all their glory!

From the very beginning it was one amazing experience after another. Here is the briefest of summaries!
DAY 1 -

Starting with the crazy, bone jangling jeep ride up ridiculously steep hairpin bends, bouncing away in a way that made me thank God for stematol (an anti-sickness pill) we went into Nepal to start the trek. We only walked about 10km to reach our first night’s stop, a fantastic little village with very friendly locals. The evening finished with Pa, Ma and myself in fits of giggles as we all donned are nepali woolly hats to go to bed. They really are this years must have accessory darling!

HIMALAYAN ADVENTURE - DAY 2

2007-12-04T09:36:00.000Z

We woke up to beautiful views but the cloud soon rolled in. We undertook a short but energy sapping 8km STEEPER THAN STEEP climb up to our highest point of the trek, Sandakphu at 3636m (12,000ft). We arrived hoping to see amazing views but only saw banks of cloud! It even started snowing! Our lodge doubled up unexpectedly as the local discotheque which was good fun – Elaine, of course, was in her element getting her boogie on with a host of nepali geezas! Shaka de booty, de booty one time!

HIMALAYAN ADVENTURE - DAY 3

2007-12-04T09:34:00.001Z

The altitude as well as a dodgey pot of coffee the day before (or was it perhaps the delights of the previous nights “rice pizza!”) was really starting to tell and by the morning Helen had been throwing up all night, and Dave and Steff had diarrhoea joining Michelle who by now was managing her altitude sickness with medication. A good day for us to be walking 22km!! My problem was quite the opposite, I’d been bunged as if someone had shoved a cork up me batty since I left Kolkata. An overdose of laxatives soon shifted the problem though!! Thankfully everyone managed it and as we arrived in the cloudy dusk that evening we wondered whether we were going to see any mountains at all!

The night at Phalut was an experience in itself. The combination of the FREEZING cold (so cold that the diesel in the Jeep froze solid), mother going to the loo about every 5 minutes and also her bed falling apart noisily (very amusing – especially dad’s sleepy response thinking it was someone knocking at the door – “hello…hello…??”) meant that little sleep was had.

HIMALAYAN ADVENTURE - DAY 4

2007-12-04T09:21:00.000Z

I woke at 5:00 and immediately looked out the window to see of it was clear. Fishlips! It seemed to be cloudy. Then I realised it was simply that the windows were misted up! Hoorah it was clear indeed, we all jumped out of bed and frog-marched up the steep hill to be met by the sunrise and the most spectacular views I have ever seen and may well ever see. Words cannot describe what our eyes beheld, a panoramic view, clear as crystal of Kachendzonga all the way round to Everest, Lhotse and Makalu. Breathtaking!

It was a difficult thing to turn our backs and walk back down, but after a while we did. The rest of the day we walked down, 23km, and left the mountains behind to start walking through the lower bamboo forests and jungle.

Our stop for the night was a fabulous lodge, almost luxurious after the night in Phalut, as we had electricity for a few hours and RUNNING WATER! I enjoyed my first proper wash in 3 days!

After our usual fabulous meal, we were offered what our cooks described as “custard.” My hopes were soon dashed when they served a rubbery orange mass the taste of which can only be described as “propa mankey!” Not wanting to be rude and leave it I waited until the serving staff weren’t looking and spooned it into a sick bag. This caused much hilarity within our party and it was passed round for the others to do likewise. I knew that sick bag would come in useful sooner or later!

HIMALAYAN ADVENTURES - DAYS 5,6 & 7

2007-12-04T08:59:00.000Z

We had a more leisurely finish to the trek and ambled along enjoying the lush green terraced hills, rivers and more beautiful views. At our stop that night we enjoyed the comfort of a hot shower and then the following morning drove back to Darjeeling.

In Darjeeling the next morning I opened the window to my hotel room to the most spectacular view of Kachendzonga! It was the icing on the cake to finish our Himalayan adventure! Brap brap BRAPPPPPP!!!!!!

Our 7 New Residents!

2007-10-15T11:06:00.000Z

We have 7 new residents at River of Life Church, and they are of the furry nature! Last week Jack the dog (named by one of our boys who obviously didn't bother to look at its bits and see what sex it was!) gave birth to 7 puppies. I now have 6 new bredrins and 1 new sistrin! Brap!

I may however be one of the only people that is excited about this as Uganda is certainly a country where the phrase "a mans best friend" would never be used of a dog, and animals are often not well looked after. this has therefore provided me with a great opportunity to try and teach our boys to treat animals with a bit of respect! So far a couple of the boys are doing a grand effort, feeding Jack so she can produce enough milk, keeping the puppies locked up in a store and protected from wild animals and even helping me build a kennel for them to sleep in.

we're not sure what we're going to do with them all yet, but I would like us to keep one and then give the rest to others who will look after them. Anyway, I haven't named them yet so once again the challenge is set down, 7 names are needed, so let me know your ideas!

The Wonders of Technology!

2007-10-09T13:05:00.000Z

This last Saturday we had our very first River of Life Church Film Night!

We showed the film Coach Carter using the projector and our PA system in the front garden of the church which is right off the main road in Nyendo. It was a fantastic event and showed what a difference to our ministries a piece of equipment like a projector can make!

The night wasn't without a few technical hitches but this is Uganda so these things are part and parcel of life. The main problem we had was that the DVD player wouldn't play the DVD so Mukisa had to race off up to Bwala to get Duncan and Mary's DVD player. Finally however, it worked!

The best thing was that over 200 people came and watched, and after I gave a short evangelistic message. It has shown the potential of such film nights and we look forward to making it a monthly fixture.

All I can say is Brap Brap and serious respec' to those who helped me get that projector, God is going to use it big style!

The Best & Worst of Uganda!!!

2007-10-03T12:34:00.000Z

Well, having been back in Uganda a few weeks now I have settled back into to the swing of things. Whilst it's wonderful to be back, there are the usual challenges that go with living here such as another spell without any water in Bwala (where i am staying at the moment) and the readjustment to the wonders of Ugandan timekeeping!

This last weekend was a classic example of both the best and worst of Uganda. It was the engagement party of Emily, one of the elders of the church, so a bunch of us squashed into a coaster and trundled off to Kampala for the day.

Where the best of Uganda comes out was in the traditional badboy Ugandan 3 piece band made up of a geeza banging an African drum, another playing the traditional Ugandan guitar and then a complete nutter going raggo on a one string Ugandan violin (see the photo). It was brap-ting, I'm tellin you, serious booty shaking sensations! Of course Emily was looking lovely and then we feasted on a wide range of the best of Ugandan cuisine! Lovely jubley!

HOWEVER....I also experienced the worst of Uganda this day in the form of the classic Ugandan timekeeping! Now River of Life Church is pretty good at time-keeping, unfortunately the rest of Uganda isn't. This meant that we arrived at 11:30am, half an hour before it was supposed to start and then proceeded to sit around for 3 and a half hours waiting for everbody else!! When it did finally start 3 hours late at 3pm, the whole thing was angonisingly slow. The PA kept on breaking down, there was some guy trying to pass the time by cracking jokes that were so crap I wanted to smack him and we didn't eat until about 6:30 (having not eaten anything all day!). I drifted off more than a few times! Finally we left having been there for almost 9 hours and drove back to Masaka. I was NOT amused!!

Thankfully, church was only 4 hours long the next day!!!

The Most Horrific Tale You May Ever Hear!

2007-05-21T13:48:00.000Z

There are some things in this world that make me wince at the mere thought, for example someone falling from a great height in a sitting position straight onto a red hot poker which impales them up their batty hole! There are other things that repulse me almost to the point of retching, for example the thought of eating a bowl of festy pus or licking a sweaty old granny's hairy armpit!!

Put both of these feelings together and you start to get an idea of the way I feel towards the world's most disgusting and vile creature - the cockroach! There are some things in this world that I truely believe God did not create, or if He did, have been grotesquely deformed by the devil - the cockroach is one of these. I have to be careful not to start on a long rant such is my loathing of these creatures.

So, let me recollect a harrowing and horrifying tale. It starts 2 nights ago when I was in my Bed and felt something on my head, brushing it off I thought it must be a spider. I have had such encounters many times - and the small spiders here don't worry me, so I soon fell back to sleep.

Fast forward now to last night. Once again as I was drifting off I felt something, this time on my face. As I brushed it off I heard the flap of wings. I suddenly realised it was not a spider and to my horror in the darkness of my room I saw the shaddowy figure of a gigantic flying cockroach (about the size of a small walrus!) skuttling acoss my pillow.

I sprung out of bed like a man possessed, flicked on the light and stood shivering with disgust in the centre of my room. I felt dirty and violated, not only that such a vile creature had entered the protective cacoon of my mosquito net but also that quite certainly it had been there since the previous night scuttling goodness knows where around my bed as I slept!!!

I grabbed my can of Doom and started searching for it, thanking God at the same time that the electricity was on. Oh my friends, woe betide the "kiss of death!" for the moment I voiced my thanks to God for the electricity, the light started to flicker! In complete panic I started spraying the doom everywhere trying to find the loathsome fat mama. Suddenly it jumped at me - it was a slow motion moment, and I swear I could almost see the whites of it's eyes as it came through the air. I blapsed it down and emptied about half a can of doom onto it, screaching with anger. And there it lay twitching. And no more than 2 seconds later the power went off. Praise be and all glory and thanks to Jesus! For had the power gone off but 10 seconds earlier I would have been in complete darkness not knowing where the detestible thing was and my nightmare would have been complete.

So join in my war cry now -

"death to all roaches, the filth of the earth,
death to all roaches, may you never give birth,
death to all roaches, how dare you you scum,
come into my bed, and make me feel numb,
death to all roaches, I just can't abide,
I'll strike you all down, with Doom at my side,
I'll laugh at you twitching, life ebbing away,
so death to all roaches, forever I say!"

Timmo's Personal Ponderous Proverbs - Verse 3

2007-05-09T13:27:00.000Z

Greetings my monkeys! Once again it is time to delve into the book of Timmo to find yet another Ponderous Proverb that speaks of wisdom gained from interseting and sometimes unfortunate experiences. Here is verse 3!

The man that doth think that he can useth undiluted household Dettol on any bodily part will only learn a painful lesson!

To exemplify this proverb I'll tell you a little story: "Once there was a man named Shabooboo, this man whilst in the delerium of Malarial fever managed to cut one of his "golden chestnuts." The last thing he wanted was to end up with infection. He searched around for antiseptic cream or TCP but could find none. Finally he found a bottle of household Dettol in the kitchen.

Taking the Dettol and without really thinking he spalshed it on liberally without dilution. He described later that the burning he felt was as if he had dipped his golden chestnut into acid and then plunged it into the heart of the sun.

The story does not end here however as the next day he found to his dismay that layers of skin were peeling off. Thankfully, although really rather dim, he wasn't a complete moron and remebered that salt water was very healing. He thus managed to save his golden chestnut but not without learning a painful lesson."

Here endeth the lesson friends. God speed.

My New Worst Enemy!!

2007-05-09T13:01:00.000Z

Many of you will know of my new acquired passion for killing rats (and by the way the ones living in our house seem to have gotton crafty and I have now gone over 2 months without getting one of the filthy ragtoes!). However the place in my heart reserved for special loathing has now been filled with another animal or insect in this case - the mosquito!

The reason for this is simple - malaria. I am just getting over my second bout since December, and this one was worse than the last (I won't go into details!) In fact, I have to say that this has not been a good week at all. On top of malaria I have also had a very itchy red rash on my heel, a toothache and finally somehow managed to cut myself in a rather delicate place. Without naming that place outright I'll simply refer to it as one of my golden chestnuts! Quadruple-Wamey!!

Anyway in the wake of this difficult week let the whole world of mosquitoes be warned of my wrath, for it will be you that will bare the brunt of what will surely become a one-man mentally crazed uncontrollable attack on you with any instrument of death and tortue I can get my hands on from cans of Doom to flame throwers and if you push me far enough, nuclear devices!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You ain't experienced real fish til you come to Uganda!

2007-04-24T08:30:00.000Z

I must say I've frequented plenty a fish and chip establishment in my time but my friends if you have love for this culenary delight then you really must come to Uganda, bop down to Lake Nabugabo and let them fry you a fresh one thats still wriggling - (as you can see Jjunju Fred also highly recommnds it), and all for the equivalent of 1 pound! You know it makes sense.

East London Meets Uganda

2007-04-24T07:57:00.000Z

Brap Brap!! Well what can I say about the Brampton Manor Badboy Bombastical Ugandan Adventure? In a word it was brap-ting! Painting, Demolision, Swimming, Booty-shaking, plenty of London style Banter and plenty more raggadoodoo busniess! The Brampton possy (for those of you that don't know - the school I taught at) were fantastic, working hard, taking every opportunity to experience Uganda to the fullest which included the fish eye challenge (basically sucking the juicy jelly out of fish eyes!) and a trip to Lake Nabugabo, White Eagle Style clinging on for dear life on the back of a large truck. Brampton Manor bredrins and sistrins - I salute each and every one of you - lets hope this is the first time of many! Blaps!

Timmo's Personal Ponderous Proverbs - Verse 2

2007-02-20T12:25:00.000Z

welcome again bredrins and sistrins to my Personal Ponderous Proverbs. Once again I have a useful pearl of wisdom to share with you thanks to my continued leraning curve here in the Uganda Massive. Here is Verse 2:

The man who is learning Luganda and payeth particular attention to details such as pronounciation will walk the road of success. However the man who doth not learn such subtleties of language will find himself walking the road of humiliation and ridicule.

The reason for this proverb is quite simple, years ago my Ugandan brother Jjunju taught me how to say in Luganda "what's gwarnin my bredrin?" (or "what's going on geeza" to those of you not from London). However, with the slightest change in pronounciation of the word that means "bredrin" it changes to mean "wife" . Yes I think you get the point now! One of the boys finally told me the other day whilst in hysterics and I realised why I'd been getting so many strange looks. Learn from my mistake my friends, learn well.

Got Myself a Cryin, Talkin, Sleepin, Walkin, Livin baby Mercy!

2007-02-20T12:07:00.000Z

Man, never thought I'd be quoting a Cliff Richard Song! Anyway I realised that I haven't actually introduced y'all to Baby Mercy, one of the newer additions to River of Life Church. Breifly her story is that she was dumped with a grandmother and spent her first few months of life living in an old saucepan, thoroughly neglected, being fed mashed up sweet potato and water! Anyway, she is now with us and from having little to no love at all now has Mama Katende looking after her (one of the women working for the project) as well as 6 sisters and about 30 brothers who fight over holding her! She is quite a little character.

The exciting thing is that she has started to talk and the other day I managed to teach her to progress from Dada to Daddy!! She hasn't managed Mama yet (suprisingly) or Timmo (less suprisingly) but we're working on it!

The Reason We Hate Rats!!

2007-02-20T11:38:00.000Z

For any of you that think that I should stop my obsession with catching and killing rats and have the opinion "Ohhh, you shouldn't be so cruel" please take note of the following evidence as to why all rats must be destroyed!! It's not even as if football shirts are that tastey which is why I think they are taunting me! Although the death toll is now over 20, they keep on coming and a group seem to have taken up perminent residence inside our sofas. If I was slightly more mentally unhinged then we'd have ourselves a little sofa BBQ and listen to them squeel! Give it a few more months and I may be at that point!

Timo's Personal Ponderous Proverbs

2007-02-10T07:38:00.000Z

Welcome my bredrins and sistrins to a brand new section of my Blog - Timo's Personal Ponderous Proverbs. Quite simply, every so often I will be sharing with you some of my pearls of wisdom that I have acquired since I've been out here. I have already recieved much wisdom from the Lord whilst pondering life in Uganda and these pearls will come in the form of proverbs. Here is the first:

The man who doth get sunburnt lips and puteth there suncream is wise indeed.
However the man who doth get sunburnt lips and puteth there vaseline only causes his lips to frazzle even more and is a serious fool.(Please see photo!)

There you go, be ready for another Ponderous Proverb soon and feel free to share your own!

.....and then the FEAST!!!

2007-01-17T14:33:00.000Z

After winning the senior competition there was only one thing left to do - FEAST! In the name of good spirit and fair play we invited the runners up, William's Garage, as well as many of our supporters and of course all the White Eagle players. It was fantastic!

Anyway, too many words have already been spoken. I will therefore leave you with some pictures from our jubilation! You may also want to bow your heads for a few seconds in remeberence of Nigel the Cow - he truely was a very good chap! Here's to you Nige - Cheers!

Final Tournament Update 2 - The Senior Final!

2007-01-17T13:40:00.000Z

Match Report 2: White Eagle's Dappers of Devastation: 3 William's Garage: 0

The Dappers know this will be a tough match. They watched the semi final between William's Garage and San Sero, and saw the way William's Garage scored 2 superb goals against a team that the Dappers only drew with in the group stage. With their junior boys losing in dramatic fasion in the mornings junior final they know that nothing less than a win and taking of Nigel the cow will be good enough.

The whistle blows and immediately the Dappers look purposeful, Crow gathers a bouncing ball on the right and from 30 yards strikes it powerfully, looking to lob the keeper. The keeper tips it over the bar. It's all round good football apprecieted by the fans who show this appreciation with loud applause and shouts of excitement. From the resultant corner Crow gets his head to the ball but sees it bounce inches wide. It's a promising start for the Dappers.

This promise is converted into a goal 5 minutes later. Another corner is delivered into the box by Walu and Bukenya, the burly Dappers central defender, rises above the rest to power the ball into the net. The crowd goes wild with some taking to the field including John Lutaaya who stuffs 10,000 shillings into Bukenyas hand in appreciation!

The Dappers have the initiative now and get their second soon after. This time a free kick from 25 yards on the left is taken with pin point accuracy by Blick who sees the keeper a few yards off his line. The keepers flailing arms are helpless to keep the ball from flying over his head and into the net for number 2! What is Blick's reward? The adulation of the fans and 10,000 shillings from the sprinting Lutaaya!

The Dappers sense weakness within the Williams Garage side now and ruthlessly expose it with a third 10 minutes before the break. A great through ball is met by none other than Fred who controls to ball with one touch then blasts it into the top left hand corner from close range. Once again the fans take the field and Lutaaya parts with another 10,000 shillings.

Half time comes and the Dappers are happy. Every player is playing well and some feel that the game could already be won.

In fact this is indeed the case, William's Garage rarely threaten in the second half and the Dappers have the ball in the net again in the 60th minute. the linesmans flag is all that stands between the Dappers and their fourth goal. In the end it stays at 3-0.

The final whistle blows and the crowd errupts. The Dappers have always looked strong but have had to work for their cow. Although on paper it looked like the tournament was always going to be theirs it is only by good preparation, hard work, great skill and fantastic team spirit that this tournament has been won. Bring on Nigel, and let the feasting begin!!!!

Final Tournament Update part 1 - The Junior Final!

2007-01-17T13:01:00.000Z

The day of the finals and both The White Eagle's Bombastical Bredrins & The White Eagle's Dappers of Devastation have made it to the finals. The Bredrins found their way there courtesy of a 3-1 victory in the semis against Red Hottage Juniors and meet pre-tournament favorites Express.

Match Report 1: White Eagle's Bombastical Bredrins: 1 Express F.C: 2 (AET)

After the singing of the national anthem the teams look nervous in anticipation - both are expectant of a hard fought match. Following previous form it is Express who are the favourites. They have so far completely eclipsed all the teams they've played against scoring 28 goals whilst only conceding 1!

The first half sees the good passing and movement that we've come to expect from both teams. There are however, few chances. Those chances that there are fall to Express who force a few good saves from Alex and also hit the post.

There is a minute until half time and Express win a free kick 25 yards from the goal mouth. Jimmy steps up and spanks the ball into the top left hand corner. The whistle blows and the Bredrins leave the field with there heads down.

Into the second half and the Bredrins seem to have found a new self belief following a rousing half time talk from managers Crow and Ngobya. Within 10 minutes the scores are level. Seruwanja, moved onto the right wing from defense, skips passed 2 challenges and sprints up the wing. He rounds the Express Left back with shouts of "cross" from the sidelines. He ignores his strikers in the middle and instead dispatches a lethal long range missle into the top of the net leaving the keeper bewildered. The Bredrin's fans storm the field, it's a magical goal and a well earned equaliser.

The rest of he second half sees Express pushed back. The Bredrins full of new hope and self belief are pushing for the win. once again however, clear cut chances are few and full time comes with the teams locked together at 1-1.

Into extra time and the Bredrins, know from club spies who have watched Express in training, that Express are clinical when it comes to penalties. They therefore push for the win and push hard! All the play is in the Express half but with 10 men behind the ball their rear guard action holds firm. Penalties loom.

Into the final minute now and suddenly Express break free and launch a counter attack, The Bredrins rush back and Morris cuts down the left winger just 10 yards outside the box. The Bredrins fans look worried. Up steps Jimmy again and sends the ball high towards the goal. It's a floater - surely Alex in goal can deal with it, he punces at the ball.....the punch is weak.....the leather of the ball meets to nylon of the net....the Express fans break into a frenzy....the Bredrins players look on in disbelief and amid the craziness the final whistle blows.

It's the last kick of the match. There will be no fairy-tale ending for the Bredrins, they fall to their knees whilst the Express team run wild with excitement. It's been a long road, full of great goals, fantastic skills, strong challenges and much chanting. However, for now the White Eagle's supporters are silenced, their boys have fallen at the last hurdle. They an however, be proud of a great battle. They've given 110% until the end and to the managers every player is a hero.

Senior Semi Final - White Eagle’s Dappers of Devastation: 3 Degeneration F.C: 0

2007-01-11T11:54:00.000Z

The Dappers are really struggling with sickness and injuries and a few minutes before kick-off are missing a number of key players. At the last minute however Lubyayi, Blick and Bukenya arrive and take to the field albeit in less than perfect shape.

The Dappers always knew this would be a tough match. As with their last match their opponents are a physical side. There are few clear cut chances in the first half and both sides retire for half time words of wisdom from their managers with the match goalless.

One thing that was lacking for the Dappers in the first half was penetration using the wings. Crow spent most of the first 45 minutes screaming for the ball and now in the second half he is finally getting some service. A free kick is awarded on the left, Lubyayi swings it into the penalty spot where Crow sprints to meet it. He misses the ball by the width of a flies wing but does enough to confuse the keeper and the ball bounces into the top right hand corner – the crowd erupts! 1-0.

Now that they have a goal the Dappers settle but Degeneration are still playing hard. There is a ruck in midfield and the ball is caught in a crowd of flailing legs. Crow gets his boot in and the ball is released to Yassin who sprints forward leaving he defenders for dead and deftly slides to ball home for 2-0.

Degeneration throw caution to the wind now, they must score! However, as so often happens as one team pushes, it is the other that scores. This time Blick is given a ball that splits the defence. He rounds the keeper and walks the ball in for the third. The Dappers fans are now in a frenzy, they know the game is won!

The result is confirmed with the final whistle 15 minutes later. The Dappers roll on to the final where they will meet an outstanding team - Williams Garage, who beat San Sero 2-0 in their Semi. It’s a mouth watering prospect and with a cow to be won, it's a match that both teams are relishing. Brap brap!

Junior Quarter Final - White Eagle’s Bombastical Bredrins: 8 The Tiger F.C: 0

2007-01-11T11:52:00.000Z

Match Report: This quarter final sees one of the tournament’s form teams (The Bredrins) face one of the tournaments weakest sides (The Tiger F.C.) . In fact The Tiger F.C. have only qualified due to a team that could not attend.

It doesn’t take long before it’s clear what sort of an afternoon it’s going to be. Sekanjako on the right sprints up the wing gathers a bouncing ball and then lobs the keeper from 25 yards. It’s a cracking goal for 1-0.

Out of respect for the floundering Tigers I’ll summarise the rest. Muwangusi gets the second on 16 minutes with a mazy run and low shot, Umalu the third with a speculative shot that the keeper spills into his net and then Seru gets 2 before half time. 5-0.

The second half sees the introduction of some of the Bredrins smaller players including the tiny but exceptionally skilled Joshua. Despite a host of chances and the urges of the crowd, he doesn’t get his goal but does play well. It is Brian who takes 2 simple goals in the second half and Umalu with a free kick that takes the score to 8-0. It’s a romping victory but the Bredrins know they will line up against much tougher opponents in the semis.

Tournament Update 5 - White Eagle’s Dappers of Devastation: 2 San Sero: 2

2007-01-11T11:48:00.000Z

Both teams in Senior Group B have won their 2 previous matches and have already qualified for the semis but both are looking for a win to boost confidence and finish top of the table.

Within minutes it is clear that San Sero want to disrupt the slick passing game of the Dappers with tough challenges and in some cases, dirty play. Within the first 15 minutes 2 yellow cards are shown. On 20 minutes Lubyayi fends off 2 bad challenges to round the last defender and slot home for a 1-0 lead.

It remains that way until 10 minutes into the second half as San Sero push up from the back and a momentary lapse in concentration at the back costs the Dappers as Kagimu blasts in the equaliser. 1-1.

Within minutes however there is a goal mouth scramble at the other end. Fred lifts the ball high and with the San Sero goalie well out of position the ball falls into the net and is met with loud cheers from the Dappers fans. 2-1.

The rest of the match can be summed up in one phrase – poor refereeing! Firstly a terrible challenge on Walu only receives a yellow when replays show it had to be red. Secondly there is a terrible offside decision that denies San Sero a good chance of their equaliser. Trying to make up for his mistake the ref awards a very dubious penalty a minute later which San Sero score to level. The Dappers are incensed but hold on for the draw they need to stay top thanks to a vastly superior goal difference. This top spot however comes at the price of some injuries due to the unsporting behaviour of San Sero. It’s clear who won't be winning the fair play award!

Tournament Update 4: White Eagles Bombastical Bredrins: 3 Machester Youngsters: 1

2007-01-11T11:42:00.000Z

Match Report: The Bredrins enter the match knowing that thanks to other results in Group B, they have already qualified for the quarter finals. They also know that a another solid win would put them top of the group with an easier draw for the quarters.

The first half is a scrappy affair and the Bredrins are struggling to play the flowing football for which they are known. Of note, however, is one moment of individual skill from the star striker Serunjoje who flicks the ball over a defender and volleys the ball into the top right hand corner. Half time arrives and the score is 1-0.

Into the second half and the quality of football is better with some good passing from both teams. As Manchester push for the equaliser they are caught on the break and Serunjoje once again collects the ball to coolly finish for 2-0.

It would be easy now for the Bredrins to kill the game off but to their credit Manchester take it up a gear and a powerful Roonyesque run from midfield leads to a well earned goal. Machester are starting to look like their namesake.

The Bredrins however push to make the game safe and do so 10 minutes from time after a goal mouth scramble is finished off by Sekanjako. The game finishes 3-1, the Bredrins qualify top and it’s a hearty slaps on the backs all round.

Tournament Update 3 - White Eagle's Dappers of Devastation: 6 Ssenyange Seniors: 1

2007-01-08T09:19:00.000Z

Match Report: After an emphatic win against Red Hottage the Dappers are in high spirits as they take the field. However they expect a tougher test against the burly Ssenyange team.

Lubyayi is cut down on the left. He swings the ball into the back post where it is met by the firm head of Fred who sees the ball rocket into the top corner for 1-0 and his first goal of the tournament.

Again the Dappers passing and movement is a wonder to behold, a move up the left is finished of by Javira and after just 11 minutes the Dappers are 2-0 up!

on 20 minutes Ssenyange is cut in half by a perfect ball from Blick. Yassin collects it having beaten the offside trap, rounds the keeper and slots home to take it to 3-0.

As the second half begins it's clear that Ssenyange are getting more frustrated, every time they get the ball their attack breaks down thanks to the solid defensive work of the Dappers back line. As Ssenyange push forward they are caught on the break and Yassin gets his second of the game with another good strike. 4-0.

Frutration has turned to anger and Ssenyange tempers are hot. As Crow dances past 2 players a third comes storming in to cut him down from behind. The crowd are insensed and a cheer goes up as the ref brandishes the yellow card. However, after a further 2 bad challenges in as many minutes and with Ssenyange supporters chanting "we want to see the colour of his blood" Crow wisely removes himself from the action.

Mid way through the second half and Ssenyange finally have something to cheer about. A dubious penalty decision is given for a handball that never existed. They score to bring it back to 4-1 but the Dappers aren't worried.

Rightly so as 2 minutes later Roy, on for Crow, sprints up the wing gathers a ball from midfield to leave a defender floundering. He smacks the ball past the static keeper into the bottom corner. 5-1.

The will of Ssenyange is broken now and there's still time for the Dappers to rub salt into the wounds which they do withot mercy. A strike from Javira gives him his second goal in the last minute.

The Dappers have scored 6 again and have qualified for the semis with a match to spare. They are rewarded later that night with extra portions of posho and beans. Blaps!!

Tournament Update 2 - White Eagle's Dappers of Devastation: 6 Red Hottage Seniors: 0

2007-01-08T08:56:00.000Z

Match Report: The Line up for the Dappers is quite different from last year as they are plagued with injuries and lingering malaria. Thanks to a change in rules for the senior competition from an age limit to a weight and height index limit the veteran Crow comes into the mix to start on the right wing. Also Fred has recruited some of his friends on loan from Masaka Secondary School including the legendary Blick, Walu and Javira.

The match begins with some beautiful 2 touch football from the Dappers leaving the Red Hottage team chasing shadows. A Red Hottage defender is put under pressure and passes the ball back to his keeper who picks the ball up without thinking. Back Pass. Lubyayi Steps up to blast the ball into the net and after just 10 minutes it's 1-0.

The 2nd is not long in coming as the ball is passed from wing to wing culminating in a well weighted ball through to Javira who slots home number 2.

Red Hottage try to settle and get a hold on the game but the Dappers passing is in a class of its own. Just before half time another slick move sees Walu push up from left back to place the ball neatly into the corner. 3-0.

The second half begins and the Dappers are enjoying their football. Sensing the chance of a rout they coninue to push forward and Crow skins 2 players on the right before slotting the ball to Lubyayi who crosses for Blick to blast home. The crowd goes wild. 4-0.

Walu then gets his second of the game on 49 minutes with a mazy run, who could believe he's a defender! The Dappers are really teaching Red Hottage a footballing lesson! Finally with 8 minutes remaining Blick once again finishes off a series of incisive passes with a tap in. The score is 6-0, the rout is complete and here endeth the lesson!

Tournament Update 1 - White Eagle Bombastical Bredrins: 2 Blackstars: 0

2007-01-08T08:42:00.000Z

Match Report: The White Eagle Bombastical Bredrins (junior team) line up against a strong Blackstars team full of promising young talent. However the Blackstars aren't the only team with talented players and the Bredrins take control of the match from the whistle with slick passing and good posession.

However, for all the posession clear cut chances are few and far between. That is until the the 31st minute when Serunjoje is bundled over just outside the box. Up steps Umalu to place the ball into the bottom left corner with the keeper left grasping at thin air. 1-0.

Into the second half and within 3 minutes a rasping shot from James is handled by the Blackstars central defender. "Penalty" is the cry form the stands and a cheer goes up as the ref obliges. Umalu steps up to the mark and dispaches the ball into the bottom right hand corner. 2-0.

From there on in it's a matter of whether the score will only remain at 2. In the end it does and the Bredrins retire after a solid performance and good opening win.

The Tournament Begins!!

2007-01-08T08:38:00.000Z

Welcome my friends to this years electronic coverage of the LMC Confederations Cup of Masaka 2007! One of the main reasons I haven't been in contact over the last month has been the rigorous preparations that have gone into staging this tournament.

I'll say no more except look out for updates on our matches. Enjoy!!

I Hope y'all Enjoyed your Christmas Turkey!!

2007-01-08T08:25:00.000Z

Well my bredrins and sistrins may I wish you a rather belated happy christmas and a happy new year!

Christmas here was rather strange in 35 degree celcius heat - I felt distinctly unchristmasy. For breakfast that day we had the special treat of matoke and g'nut sauce (yes - for breakfast!) but the best was yet to come! As you lot were tucking into your turkey, roast tatties, roast veg, pigs in blankets, gravy, mince pies, christmas pudding and custard I was enjoying the very christmas like meal of sausage, egg, beans and chips!! (See pictures) Can you imagine! I was told by many people I would have to make sacrifices as a missionary - they weren't wrong!

Anyway, I did enjoying being with all the White Eagle Children, Workers and Duncan and Mary. In the morning some of us visited the local hosital to give out some food and drink and pray for the sick. It was quite and eye opener and to be honest made me realise how lucky we all are - therefore I suppose I shouldn't really complain about my Christmas meal!

I hope you all have a seriously bombastical and blessed 2007!

And the winner is....

2007-01-07T12:51:00.000Z

Well, can you imagine that the winner of this Banzai challnege is in fact my very own parents! The answer was in fact (b) goats intestines.

I have enjoyed both flying ants and grasshoppers since being here and as for the rat poo, I discovered it half way through tucking into a plate of noodles! Nice! By the way with respect to the rats we've now killed 5, the last of which I discovered on my bed! However the fat mama rat which we haven't caught yet must be gettin jiggy cos there always seems to be more baby rats. I think we'll have a tribal dance around its body when we finally catch the retched ting!

Banzai 2006 Continues...

2006-12-04T11:26:00.000Z

Welcome to this edition of Banzai Uganda. Today's challenge is very simple. The question is: which of the following 4 things has Rabu NOT had as part of his diet whilst in Uganda?
(a) Rats poo
(b) Goats Intestines
(c) Fried Termites
(d) Fried Grasshoppers

All 4 have accompanying photos above. The winner will simply be the first with the corret answer! This weeks prize is the princely sum of TEN SHILLINGS!!!! Blaps.

What's the Best Way To Catch a Rat?

2006-12-04T11:19:00.000Z

Those who have been reading my previous blogs will know that me and the boys have not been the only residents at the boys home. The family of rats however is now minus 2 thanks to Ugandan inginuity! It's simple really, get a dead fish, put it on a piece of cardboard, then smother the cardboard with strong glue. Hey presto - 12 hours later 2 of the little critters found themselves in a sticky situation! Rat stew anyone?

And The Winner Is....

2006-12-04T11:06:00.000Z

Well my friends, the answer to this little Banzai challenge is in fact that I had the pleasure of travelling in such a car with 11 people (although I'm sure you could possibly get more in!). Including me that is 12 so therefore cousin Jonathan - Well done bredrin! You can choose from the Banzai challenge above which of the 4 delicacies you would like as a prize!!!

To explain: 2 in the drivers seat, 2 adults and 1 child in the passenger seat, and 6 in the back (1 of them a child) sitting on each others laps! How I love Uganda!!

Your Second Challenge – Banzai 2006 Ugandan Stylee

2006-11-18T11:43:00.000Z

Welcome to Banzai 2006 my friends! In respect of my former days with Mr Andru Keel at the Forest Hill Community Church massive, Banzai returns, and this time with a Ugandan flavour.

The first challenge is to guess how many people can fit into the taxi in the photo and then travel at dangerous speed for a distance of 1.5 miles without being stopped by the police and without anyone dying! There are no options in this challenge, you just have to guess a figure.

The answer will come next time with an explanation of where everyone sat. The lucky contestant with the correct answer will win one of the things that will feature in the next Banzai challenge so do tune in next time!

(P.S. the number can include up to 2 children but no more, the rest being adults, oh, and no midgets!)

Settling in to Life with the Boys

2006-11-18T11:22:00.000Z

Despite the crazily early starts I’m settling in to life at the new boys home. The only main problem that we have is a family of rats! Last night I walked into the kitchen to discover the fat mama climbing the wall and disappearing through a hole. Rats that climb walls – hmmm… they must be crazy mutant rats with special powers.

Also, after being so excited about having a flushing loo we discovered that it struggles to flush anything solid! That means there can be special presents waiting for you if the previous resident was too lazy to sort it out and this leads to a need of “mashing” with the loo brush! I can hear the groans of disgust from here so I’ll stop there on that one!

The 2 photos are of the house warming party we had last week and also of my lovely room. Now I’ve got all my photos up I’m feeling right at home!

FISHLIPS!!!

2006-11-07T13:55:00.000Z

Those of you who know me well will know that the term “fishlips” is a favourite of mine. Many times I have searched for a graphic illustration of this fabulous phrase and after years of struggling to find one that does it justice, I feel that with this photo my quest can finally end!!

(By the way, the woman is Natalie, Duncan and Mary’s cook, don’t ask me what the fish was called, we munched it before it had a chance to tell us! I saved its lips, ready as a prize for your second challenge which will come next time…)

Table manners?? Ha...Don’t be silly!

2006-11-07T13:43:00.000Z

Well, I’m into my first week as “daddy”. I’ll be honest, much as I’m enjoying it, I’m absolutely knackered!! This is mainly because of the early morning starts at 5:50am to get the boys up and make them breakfast, then pack them off to school! Can you imagine, me, Tim Crow getting up in the hour of 5!!!! Anyway, other then the early starts it’s great to be with the boys.

I’m doing my responsible bit, setting up cleaning rotas, helping with homework and even the odd bed time story! Then of course I’ve been teaching them the art of table manners “RABU style” as this photo demonstrates!!

Who's The Daddy?!

2006-10-27T08:28:00.000Z

So this has been an exciting few days! This week we have decided to rent a new home for the boys. Until now they’ve been staying in their simple rooms down at the church. We’ve decided to move the boys into a more homely environment into the flat above where the White Eagle Girls are staying, which includes a proper lounge, dining room, bathroom and FLUSHING TOILET!! They will stay here for a year until the next phase of their home is built.

Anyway, next week 14 of the younger boys will move in and guess who’s moving in with them to be the Daddy? None other than my rudeboy self! Soon to be a man of responsibility, I’ve realised it may mean I have to start acting my age. Lord help me!

Right Arm Round the Wicket – 6 to Come!

2006-10-27T08:24:00.000Z

With my growing love of cricket over the last few years I thought it was time to introduce the boys to a game other than my beloved football! As it was raining we played indoors and the boys took to it very quickly (although some of the bowling actions were pretty funky to say the least!)

Unfortunately it was brought to an abrupt end when one of the boys was accused of tampering with the ball. The umpires pronounced the batting side the winners by default and now the ICC has launched an investigation. (To tell the truth the bat snapped in half when one of the boys went for a 6 and the bottom half nearly took Rob’s head off!)

How to Keep Your Skin Youthful!

2006-10-27T08:18:00.000Z

Last weekend in celebration of my friends Rob and Kat Davies being here, we went to Lake Nabugabo. We travelled as we always do when going to the lake, on the back of a massive lorry, dancing and shouting all the way!

The day was taken up with swimming, playing volleyball, and once again eating spectacular amounts of pork and rice! There were many photos I could use to sum up the day of jubilations but decided on this one. (Please note that this Ugandan Mudpack is now available from Rabu Industries at the bargain price of £9.99 a pot! Buy one today and get your own free bag of monkey balls!)

The Pork Factor - A Meaty Suprise!!

2006-10-10T11:56:00.000Z

Yesterday was independence day here in Uganda. To celebrate we went to the farm and FEASTED on pork. I highlight the word feasted because it was a feast in more ways than one!

Firstly we ate pork in every shape and form. For the first phase we had BBQ pork (2 large skewers each – see photo!). The second phase was fried pork with onion and cabbage. The third and final phase was stewed pork with mountains of rice, matoke and sweet potato. It was the sweetest pork you could ever imagine, although today I’m paying slightly for it, as is everyone else in this internet café if you know what I mean!! (Special smells my friends, special smells!)

There was also a feast for the eyes as I visited the piggery on the farm. When I came to the pen of the fattest daddee of all pigs I encountered an amazing site. So amazing I’ve given it its own blog entry below….behold the wonder my bredrins and sistrins, of what was the crowning glory of my day of meaty suprises!

The reason that River Of Life pigs have such large litters!

2006-10-10T11:51:00.000Z

Check out this fat daddee - He's rather large in more ways than one! Ai!

..and the winner is...

2006-10-09T15:41:00.000Z

Well, I have been impressed with the response to your first task. Many of the names impressed me greatly so in order to crown the winner a panel of judges has been assembled from throughout the land of Uganda.

We have decided that my newest bredrin is to be called.....DUNDOOZA (with greatest respec to Jeza the original). Therefore Jonny, who first suggested it, well done, 5 special fried blaps for you and a bag of grasshoppers on my return!

(p.s. after all that it seems Dundooza no longer wants to be my bredrin and I haven't seen him since. Perhaps it was the special smell i created that night we first met?)

Wash Day for Timothy!

2006-09-27T09:56:00.000Z

Well, the realities of life in Uganda are setting in! This week the electricity and water have been absolutely shocking. Generally the electricity is on one day, off the next and the water is even more erratic. After almost 3 days without running water I turned to this large basin of rainwater to have a proper wash. Praise God it’s the rainy season!

P.s. in my last entry when I said Bob Marley was playing in the lounge I meant on my laptop – not the real reincarnate man himself, although that would’ve been pretty Rhharetid!

Your First Task – Name my Newest Bredrin!

2006-09-27T09:13:00.000Z

The other night I was sitting on the toilet, as you do when you’ve eaten large amounts of matoke, goat stew and cabbage, when I heard a noise. I looked behind me and lo and behold I saw this little fella. He is one of our resident geckos. At first I was going to call him Graham but then thought why not let you decide! So answers please, what shall I call my newest bredrin? If it helps, at the time we met Bob Marley was playing in the background in the lounge so I believe him to be a lover of all tings reggae. He has good taste. Blaps!

Greetings from the Uganda masive!

2006-09-16T11:37:00.000Z

Easy now bredrins and sistrins! I have arrived, and apart from my case being lost at the airport for about an hour until some rudeboy ran back in with it after trying to teef it, things have been chilled!

On Saturday we had a wedding at the church which was great fun (apart from the fact that it started 3 hours late - african timing hasn't changed!). I witnessed the hacking up of the cow in preparation - a very intereting event especially when they got the intestines and started squeezing all the poo out! It was fantastic like some sort of poo cannon squirting all over the place, i gave the intestines a miss but enjoyed feasting on its liver mmmmm! Attached is a photo of me and some of the boys cooking it! Hope y'all are good. Take it easy.

The White Eagle Boys

2006-09-09T16:17:00.000Z

Easy now!

2006-09-08T18:06:00.000Z

Easy now bredrins and sistrins, welcome to Rabu's Bombastical Badboy Blog! I leave for Uganda in just a few days now and I thought that setting up a blog site would be useful to update y'all on wha' gwarn wid Rabu! So here it is, I hope you will enjoy the feast of adventures that will be recollected over this coming year! BLAPS!