Signing Off For The Summer!

Back on a break from Uganda, we want to update you on our last few weeks of Ugandan activities before we returned.  One of the highlights was carrying out the pilot for the Synergy Rural Healthy Living Initiative.  This is really a “Team Crow” strategy, as we combine forces!  Basically, we travelled to a rural school, where Tim and Brian took 40-50 children for a football training session whilst Sarah was examining children, treating any minor conditions, and arranging follow-up as needed.  Our first stop was Kasozi School, but we hope that over the coming year, we will be able to carry out further sessions in Kazosi and then visit many more schools, doing so on a weekly basis.

Brian talking to the Kasozi lads about Synergy after the session

Sarah carrying out health checks as part of the Synergy Healthy Living Initiative

Baby Paulo

As many of you may know, Baby Peter (of the Triplets fame) sadly passed away a couple of months ago from bronchiolitis (sorry, Sarah was too sad about it to blog straight away), but his siblings are going from strength to strength.  Sarah visited them all in their village just before our departure, and was given a lovely gift by the babies’ grandma: a sweet new chicken, which we’ve called Petra (in Peter’s honour).  We only hope that she is more inclined to lay eggs than Mr Magoo and Texas Pete!  Paulo, in turn, gave Sarah an additional sweet gift – a lapful of urine.  Delightful!

Keeping warm on the nutrition ward

We have enjoyed giving out some lovely childrens’ hats donated by keen knitters in SE London, as well as a charity from Scotland (Bonnie Babies), benefitting both tiny babies on the maternity ward, and also sick puffy malnourished kids on the nutrition ward (who lose heat very easily)

900gram Gift enjoying his hat!

We’re back for quite a while now, as Sarah has to do a certain number of GP shifts in order to avoid being ruthlessly ejected from the required “list” that she needs to be on (and so is foraging around for locum shifts at the moment!).  Therefore we probably won’t be updating this blog again until the beginning of September when we head back to Uganda.... but of course, face-to-face is probably more interesting than reading of our exploits, so please do let us know when you are free for a visit!

But as we sign off for the summer, let us give you one more instalment of:

BARMY BODAS!

Some Ugandans lack the money to buy a motorised boda boda, so do  it the old skool way and just get a bicycle instead. Whilst it may have less power, that doesn't stop them from loading them up with just as crazy a load as you can see!

The Ugandan version of a Piggy-Back , "A Goatie-Back!" 

This little Piggy went to market!

Teaching peeps, Sweeps and Cheeps!

Sarah was given the opportunity to share her knowledge of Family Planning with a number of captive audiences this past month, including the River of Life Church “marrieds”, the antenatal clinic (all patients and staff), the paediatric staff, and the nutrition unit (staff, students and parents).  Fortunately it was not quite like being thrown into the lion’s den, despite some anticipation!  In fact all the objections that were raised were done so in a very amicable way, and no blood at all was spilt (which is always a good thing!).  She did, however, have to chuckle out loud, when one of the “anti-family planning” group argued that if family planning was present, the world would become devoid of people.  Yes, dear Sir, I am sure that that is very high on the world’s list of concerns right now!!

There has been lots of work on the health front, and we have been involved in some useful outreach work, offering free health checks to children in various settings.  School children, street children, orphans, and then children in the poor trading area of Nyendo have all been checked, weighed, prodded, and treated for various conditions that they seem to have contentedly carried around with them for weeks or months – chest infections, ringworm, even pelvic inflammatory disease.  Since these are opportunistic checks, it is a bit concerning to think that these conditions would otherwise have been left untreated. 

Of course, none of this work would have been possible without generous donations by those amongst you, enabling us to buy the required medication.  In addition, we have benefited from the kindness of the Royal College of General Practitioners, who very generously funded the purchase of a resuscitation doll (aptly called “Mukisa”, which means “Blessing”), which Sarah has been using to train up our nurses/doctors.  Since she has had to do more resuscitation here than ever in her life before, it seems rather appropriate that we train up our staff, so this equipment is a blessing indeed!

May saw Operation ARK (Acts of Random Kindness) reach its fifth anniversary, as Timmo and Geraldie ran around like headless chickens organising over 100 youth from local churches, hitting the streets of Nyendo and Masaka to clean the filth, spruce up people’s houses and shops with a lick of paint, and give out boxes of food to some of the neediest families.  All in all it was very successful, although having arranged with the Masaka town clerk to clean the centre of town on one afternoon, we discovered he had then become worried about the possibility of publicity about “local volunteers doing what paid street cleaners should be doing”, and in a fervour of activity organised his staff to sweep, scrub and polish as if the queen of England was about to visit, on the very morning before we arrived!  Having nothing to do, we returned to Nyendo, where there is never a lack of grime to deal with!  

We have since decided that any time we feel the town is looking a bit shabby, we will simply tell the town clerk we want to come the next day with our army of youth to clean, safe in the knowledge that in a fit of panic he will then quickly mobilise his street cleaners to do it instead!

Of course, no blog would be complete without the mention of our pride and joy, the lovely Mr Magoo and Texas Pete.  Many of you commented that perhaps naming female chickens these names was an odd choice.  Well, you get the last laugh, since it turns out that Texas Pete is a fully fledged male, so his name at least has certainly been a self-fulfilling prophecy.  Our three month wait for eggs continues..........

THE MOST USELESS POLICEMAN AWARDS 2012!

Welcome one and all to this year's addition on "The Most Useless Policeman" Awards. You will see from the pictures that we have 4 nominees for this year's award, some of which you may know. Let me take this time to introduce you to one of the highly tipped contenders which you may not know -  the Masaka Police department!

CHIEF WIGGUM

As many of you will know, about a month ago we were robbed in the middle of the night and had over a thousand pounds worth of stuff stolen as we slept! We weren’t too troubled by our stuff having been teefed, it is just possessions after all and also, as we have travel insurance, we knew we would be able to claim some compensation as long as we managed to get an official police report. A simple matter you may think....

Well, this is Uganda my friends, and perhaps one of the establishments that bypasses all others (EVEN the local immigration office!) in quite unimaginable ineptness, laziness and laughable incompetence, is the Masaka Police department!

LT. FRANK DREBIN

I had never held out any real hope of any proper investigation into this crime, and was vindicated in this opinion when despite bringing various implements that the robbers had used (carefully sealed CSI-stylie by Sarah in plastic cellophane bags) I was told that they weren’t needed. “Will someone be coming to visit the scene of the crime?” I asked. “Perhaps if someone is available,” was the response. Of course no one was, because it seems that the police in Masaka have the tried and tested strategy of solving crimes by sitting on your batty and looking vacant and/or chatting to your friend about the football. Very effective I’m sure. Of course it’s always possible they are in fact solving crimes with the power of their minds. The commander may be a fan of the film “Minority Report” and believe that if you sit there dreaming, the answers will simply come! I, however, remain somewhat dubious and would have preferred to see a bit of hands-on-policing.

OFFICER BARBRADY

Anyway, I digress, as in fact that main thing I was interested in was getting an official police report for insurance purposes. “No problem,” I was told, “we have your statement, give us some time to do our investigations (?!?), and we will let you know when you can come and get the report.”

Two and a half weeks later, having been away with my parents, and still having heard nothing from the police I decided to go and check on the progress of my report. I arrived to find that not only had nothing been done what-so-ever, but that they had also succeeded in losing all my paperwork resulting in a lengthy wait to give my statement all over again.

I was still fairly calm at this point but after being handed over to a CID officer who proceeded to question me about why I hadn’t come sooner and how I had wasted time and that I wasn’t serious, my blood started to simmer ever so slightly.
‘Oh, I’m sorry, Sir, is it my fault that I have had to sit for hours on 2 separate occasions to give a statement that has been lost by your office, and my fault that I misunderstood the instruction to wait until I got a phone call before coming back, well yes I can see how I’m not serious and how that is all my fault.” Numpty!

THE MASAKA POLICE 

DEPARTMENT

Anyway, that issue negotiated I was assured that now my case had been handed to him I would be getting “The Real Service!”

Let me share with you therefore what the “Real Service” of The Masaka Police entails:

     1.   Being told to come back another day because it’s nearly 4pm and getting a bit late;

     2.   Coming back on that day to spend the first 10 minutes, not working on getting the police report sorted, but rather listening to the tales of woe about how the officer’s car is broken and how his mother is sick in hospital (complete with gruesome photos of her gammy foot on his phone) and would I like to be a good Muzungu and give him some money to help;


     3. Trundling off to the bank to pay the 62,500 shillings government fee for the police report, only to then be told on my return that their computer is broken, so would I be a good chap and go and type it and print it myself. How very reasonable of them to ask me to do their job for them: shall I bring you a cup of tea as well, Sir?!!!

Needless to say I still haven’t received this blinking report, and after another fruitless journey to the police station today the saga could yet continue. Is it worth the few hundred quid I’m likely to get back from our insurance company? Only time will tell....


And with regards to the nominations, well, I think you all know who gets my vote!

As The Crow's Fly!

We have been blessed to have just had a fabulous time with the Crow Seniors. Herein is our account of their time with us: 

After ignoring some days of dutiful nagging from his wife, Timmo finally called up the (fairly ropey) guesthouse that we normally stay at if we need to spend the night in Entebbe pre-/post-collecting visitors, to discover that it was fully booked.  Although initially annoyed, Sarah quickly realised that this procrastination meant that they needed to stay somewhere nicer – yet another silver lining, and proof for Timmo once again that what some (i.e. his wife) would call a ‘very annoying trait”, can in fact be very useful! 

Al and Lil were touched, of course, that crowds of people had come to line the streets to celebrate their arrival, complete with frantic drumming, Ugandan booty shaking and high pitched warbling. The fact that the King of Buganda (The Kabaka) also passed by we feel was a mere coincidence and that  in fact someone must have informed him to come at once, because the wise and powerful Crows had decided to grace his Kingdom with their presence!

Of course no trip in Uganda is without challenges, and our trip to Fort Portal with Al and Lil was no exception!  Within 15km of leaving Masaka, an over-zealous driver over-took our car at break-neck speed, carelessly flicking a perfectly targeted pebble at our car’s driver’s window, and smashing the whole pane of glass so that it fell like a waterfall.  In a country where patience is not just a virtue but an essential survival tool, we had prepared ourselves for a long delay to get it fixed, but our mechanic fitted a new window within the hour – beat that Quikfit!!  The whole episode is a good example of the protection we have been given here – ok: it’s annoying that the window smashed, but had the window been down, Tim would currently have a little pebble embedded in his brain.  Would that make him more or less peculiar?  Discuss. 

So, you’re off on the open road to see new sights and wonders, animals and birds of intrigue and mystery.  What’s the one thing you should not forget?  Yes, that’s right, a camera.  Due to our recent robbery, some dirty teef is enjoying photographing his new stash of electrical goods (obviously whilst running a high quality medical service for his fellow thieves with Sarah’s stolen medical equipment), but not to worry,  Al had packed his camera....but no charger!  Titties!  Luckily we found an alternative way to charge the camera, enabling us to capture monkeys playing within a metre of us in Fort Portal, and this time Tim definitely DID see his lion in QENP, 3 in fact, enjoying a late afternoon nap after feasting on some unlucky victim.

All in all, a very good trip.  One of the many “high-lights” was a visit to the amazing Kyaninga Lodge, where we posed and pranced, and pretended to be some of their upper class guests.  At prices nearing 300 pounds a night for a room, naturally we soon had to slink off to our accommodation elsewhere i.e.  a dodgy road-side hotel: complete with noisy generator, missing toilet seats/shower curtain, and rowdy football fans into the early hours.  But for 6 pounds a night for a double room, I guess you get what you pay for!

Criminal Tings and Chicken Wings!

I know we say this every time we write, but this time it really has been an eventful week!  We had a lot of things that we wanted to tell everyone, but this has been somewhat overshadowed by the realisation yesterday morning that our house had been robbed whilst we slept.  Some of you may remember an earlier post regarding the need here in Uganda, to find “silver linings” in difficult situations! 

Well, the first silver lining is that Tim’s macbook pro is broken.  Whilst this may seem an odd silver lining, it is so because after many failed attempts in recent weeks to resurrect it, it was whisked off to the UK with Rob and Katherine just a few days ago, and was therefore safe from pilfering hands.  

The second silver lining is the result of Tim’s obstinate insistence on reading his book and ignoring his wife.  Had he been more attentive, then he, rather than Sarah’s laptop, would have provided sufficient entertainment, and the laptop, which usually resides in the living room, would have been teefed!  Tim now feels that this offers concrete proof of the benefits of paying minimal attention to one’s spouse! (Admittedly at particular times only!)     

On another positive note, we now have much less clutter to organise, and we now fear break-ins much less, as there isn’t really anything left to steal!  Finally, it could have been much worse, namely if Tim (a light sleeper) had woken and decided to confront the thieves.  We have been assured that this probably would have ended in a trip to the hospital, or otherwise to the morgue!  So all in all, we feel very thankful for God’s protection that night.  The police have assured us that they are on the case (despite showing no interest in the evidence brought, nor even deigning to visit the scene of the crime), so we can be confident that they are about as likely as The Simpson’s Chief Wiggum to solve this dastardly crime....

Back to our other news....  Firstly we are excited to report the arrival (finally) of our chickens!  We have called them Texas Pete and Mr Magoo, and they are a delight.  Initially they provided great sport, requiring about half an hour per night of chasing in order to persuade them to go to bed (I guess parents reading this can empathise) – but they have finally realised we mean them no harm, and now retire at the first hint of dusk, and can be found sitting in their coop, on their perch.  The only down-side?  It will be about 2 months before they lay any eggs, thus rendering their ongoing existence far less certain, and the likelihood of being invited to (and actually being) a roast chick dinner far more likely.  We jest, of course, we could never hurt our good friends.  For now at least......

Texas Pete & Mr. Magoo

A familiar tale of woe for those aware of the lovely (and now struck-off) doctor Andrew Wakefield, (who fraudulently claimed that the MMR causes autism), we’ve had a measles outbreak at the hospital.  The problem is, unlike in the UK, where we generally see sniffley miserable children with a rash, here it can be fatal (and has been in one case this last week).  Just another frustratingly preventable cause of death to add to the list. 

We started with criminal activity, so let us finish with criminal activity.....

It has crossed our minds that perhaps it is no coincidence that Tim is always there when riots start.  This is the third time since we arrived that Tim has found himself in the midst of an angry mob.  The first time was during a protest about the poor electricity supply, the second time was saving referees from enraged supporters during the Synergy Cup, and this time it was again, football-related.  A cup final between 2 of the biggest rival schools in the region, Masaka S.S and Kimanya S.S, was the catalyst that led to hundreds of enraged (and no doubt hormonal) teenagers deciding that the best way to vent their frustrations was to grab large sticks and clubs, fight each other, and also attack innocent drivers trying to get home after a hard day’s work (just to clarify, Tim was one of the drivers whose car was attacked, not one of the stick wielding yobbos!). 

After receiving some particularly fruity abuse from one young fellow, followed by an energetic thumping of the car, Tim (despite really wanting to get out and give this young whippersnapper a piece of his mind, and perhaps even a cheeky blaps to the face) took his wife’s sage advice and chose an alternative route home.  Tear gas eventually dispersed the mob, we hear.  Never a dull moment on Bwala hill!  

BABIES & BALLERS

BABY BOOM!

Small they may be, but they are certainly tough.  After a very rocky time, our triplets are now going from strength to strength.  Thanks to a very generous person from the UK, we were able to buy clothes and other useful gifts for Mamma triplets, and also help her to pay off her hospital bill.  Elder Betty from our church helped to encourage the mother as well, and it is wonderful to see her now, finally confident and proud with her babies. 

As if one set of triplets in the hospital wasn’t enough, another set was born yesterday (the third set in the past 2 months) – but these were comparatively fat little babies, weighing in at about 1.7kg each (!), so they needed far less intervention than Peter, Paulo and John.  

Other new projects abound.  In collaboration with another charity, Sarah spent a day doing health checks on the children from a rural school.  You would think that children attending school would not have any major health problems, but that was certainly not the case.  Next week, she is hoping to work with another charity to do health checks on street children in Masaka.  

SYNERGY SEIZE THE FIVE P'S!

Proper Preparation Prevents Poor Performance. After losing narrowly on penalties in the Synergy Cup in January, Tim has been keen to put the Synergy players through their paces in order to ensure future success. The Synergy Seven Star fitness and skills tests have therefore been devised, which has been helping players see where they need to improve in a range of football necessities including fitness and agility followed by skills such as passing, shooting, turning, dribbling, heading and running with the ball. Our final test was the dreaded bleep test, not helped any by the burning sun and 30 degree temperatures! So for those who complain when doing it in a nice cool gym, know that it could be oh so much harder!! 

AND FINALLY...ANOTHER BARMY BODA!  

Lets face it people, whilst there may be a scarcity of electricity and water at times, barmy bodas are always in plentiful supply!

DEFINITION OF A SELF FULFILLING PROPHECY!

Kitovu's Newest Recruit!

We would like to officially celebrate a new role that one of our colleagues’ sons has taken on.  Meet medical officer Jonah.  Now, whenever visitors come to Masaka, they can be assured of top quality medical care on their doorstep.  Or at least a little cutie to meet!

Triple Portion!

On a more serious note, we have had three new arrivals in the hospital: premature triplets, weighing in at 1kg each.  It has been quite a stressful time for all of us (not least their mother), since it has been very difficult with current staffing levels to ensure consistent/quality care – and this has definitely lead to some sleepless nights for us. 

I think we all admitted that divine intervention must have played a part, particularly with triplet #2 (the middle one – “Mr Pink” or “Musajja Pinki” – so-called due to his hat colour) who we felt quite sure would die on Thursday evening (as he was gasping for breath, grey in colour, with a massive tummy), but has hung in there and improved a lot. .  Honestly, I felt I was praying in vain when I looked at him on Thursday, but in fact, he is the one who is tolerating his feeds the best now!  Mukama ye basibwe!!

Mr Pink AKA Peter receiving phototherapy 

Our hope and plan is to start a neonatal unit here in Kitovu, but the main issue is funding.  Luckily we have some good neonatal kit donated by the Irish team who came last week for training.  But this week has really confirmed to us that, without a significant increase in staffing levels, having a neonatal unit would not be safe (I’ve been told we need 5 new nurses).  So please join us in praying for funding of the Neonatal Unit.

And FINALLY....The Return of BARMY BODAS!!

It's been a few posts since we had space to showcase Ugandan's spectacular disregard for road safety! Trust me this next photo is an all too common sight!! Feel free to suggest your own caption...

It's A Family Affair!

All Brawn

Those of you who know Tim well will know his love of the film Anchorman, and it is the words of Ron Burgundy that must be quoted now as we start this next blog!

“I'm not a baby, I am a man.... I'm a man who discovered the wheel and built the Eiffel Tower out of metal and brawn. That's what kind of man I am. You're just a woman with a small brain. With a brain a third the size of us. It's science!”

So true....and a few weeks ago, Tim & David (Sarah’s dad) proved this by taking on the challenge of building a 5 star chicken coop with nothing other than some off-cuts of wood, nails, and of course, metal, brawn and superior brain power!! GRRRRR!!!

This testosterone fest was  further escalated by our neighbours cockerel, who turned up to savagely ravage the chickens who already live on our compound and are owned by Prince and Lydia, who live in the other building on the land we are renting.  We would have felt a little bad for these poor, emotionally scarred chickens were it not for the fact that they have pretty much decimated our tenderly planted bougainvillea which now lie in ruins!

A Stoic Patient  

There is however, one thing that is sure to reduce any man to squeaks of agony. This is a quinine injection in the bum cheek, something that Tim has become all too accustomed to over the years, and which he has recently had to endure, as he was once again struck down with malaria! Thankfully Doctor Sarah with her intellectual prowess was on hand to suggest it would be less painful if half the dose was injected in one cheek and half in the other. This thankfully turned out to be a good plan, rather than backfiring and leaving Tim unable to sit in any position. We would be lying however if we were to say that there weren’t still a few small yelps!

Some Teaching at Kitovu

This week, we had a visit from an Irish neonatal team, aiming to help train up our staff in advance of the opening of the Kitovu neonatal unit (at some point, when funding is available!), so Sarah was able to use the resuscitation doll that we had obtained.  She goes by the name of Neo-Natalie, but we call her Neo-Nantale to ensure she feels at home in Uganda.  Anyway, she was a great success, and really helped us to illustrate the important points of neonatal resuscitation.  Long live Nantale!

And finally, more “lost in translation”

It was only last night when we were having a Luganda lesson with our good friend Gerald, that Sarah realised that after what is now months of saying “mpulira empewo”, when she feels cold, it turns out that it actually means “I feel I have wind”.  Brilliant.  Thankfully, the need to express feeling cold is not very great in Uganda!

Adventures In Western Uganda!

We have been rather tardy in updating our blog, since Sarah’s parents, David and Jane, have been visiting, but now we are ready to share the highlights of our time with them....

A Dangerous Wizz in the Heart of Queen Liz...

When we moved to Uganda, we knew that Uganda was a beautiful country, but I don’t think we appreciated just how beautiful until we went on a foray into Western Uganda.  First stop was Queen Elizabeth National Park, where we stayed in a “bush camp”, which basically means posh camping.

We did a driving tour around the National Park, and our tour guide was a little distressed by Tim and David’s flagrant disregard for their own safety, as the need to relieve themselves seemed to far outweigh the dangers of unseen beasts looking for their next meal!  Thankfully they both live to tell the tale, and with all appendages intact!

The particular highlight of the stay was the boat trip along the Mweya peninsula, featuring many water buffalo, hippos, crocodiles, birds of every colour, water bucks, warthogs, Uganda kobs, and elephants, all perilously close to swimming children from the nearby village!  We had spent all day keeping our eyes peeled for the animal everybody wanted to see, and towards the end of the boat trip Tim suddenly shrieked with excitement  when he saw what he says was a lion, through David’s binoculars. Unfortunately this can’t be confirmed as he was the only one to get a peek before it apparently slipped behind a bush. It must be said that pretty much everyone else thinks he was mistaken, but in his mind at least it definitely WAS a lion! (it was - I’m telling you!!)

 A final little treat was a few sharp nips from a tsetse fly for both David and Sarah, so prayers against Sleeping Sickness would be gratefully received!

A Colobus Legion in the Crater Lakes Region...

Next stop was to visit some long-lost relatives Sally and Sue who work at a teaching training college just outside Fort Portal. We were given a fine welcome and that evening we walked to a nearby crater lake just in time to see a fabulous sunset with the Rwenzori mountains as a backdrop before heading back for a few beers and a wonderful beef stew!

The next day we visited a nature reserve overlooking an amazing crater lake surrounded by jungle that made us feel like we were in Swiss Family Robinson! Up in the trees were a whole troop of Colobus monkeys who took very little notice of us, apart from to occasionally urinate from a height in our direction! Needless to say we kept our mouths firmly shut as we peered up at them from that point on!  After a spot of lunch we struck out to walk to a local viewpoint named “The Top of The World.” Perhaps this title is a little grandiose but we did get wonderful views and felt very blessed to be in such beautiful surroundings.    

Our trip ended with a slap up meal at the Mountains of the Moon hotel before heading back to Masaka the next day. Two thumbs up for a really fantastic trip and one we hope to do again in the future (for Tim to go and find his lion, if for no other reason!). 

A Day with the NDA...

When they arrived, David and Jane had 6 large bags, of which only 1 contained their stuff.  The rest was all for us!  Two contained donated drugs (medical of course, we haven't resorted to dealing crack just yet, although if the pound drops much more against the shilling it's always an option!), and these bags were to lead us on one of those infamous Ugandan journeys that make you feel like you’re rowing a boat with one oar!  David was unreasonably worried by the big sign proclaiming that importing drugs without declaring them would lead to a stay in one of Uganda’s delightful prisons, and deciding that this may not be the best place to spend his 2 week trip, therefore dutifully declared them.

 We were told to come back the next day to clear the drugs with the NDA (National Drug Authority), only to discover that we actually needed to go to their office in Kampala (about 40km away through heavy traffic).  Blithely we decided to wait until the day that David and Jane were due to fly, and thus spent the large part of that day sitting in the offices of the NDA, filling forms, paying various fees at the bank, and pacing up and down in frustration (in Sarah’s case).  Good enough, we were given our papers in time to dash to the airport, only to discover that the airport NDA official had gone home early! One more trip to the airport the following day did result in us FINALLY walking away with the drugs with yet another Ugandan lesson in patience & perseverance under our belts!