The Most Horrific Tale You May Ever Hear!

There are some things in this world that make me wince at the mere thought, for example someone falling from a great height in a sitting position straight onto a red hot poker which impales them up their batty hole! There are other things that repulse me almost to the point of retching, for example the thought of eating a bowl of festy pus or licking a sweaty old granny's hairy armpit!!

Put both of these feelings together and you start to get an idea of the way I feel towards the world's most disgusting and vile creature - the cockroach! There are some things in this world that I truely believe God did not create, or if He did, have been grotesquely deformed by the devil - the cockroach is one of these. I have to be careful not to start on a long rant such is my loathing of these creatures.

So, let me recollect a harrowing and horrifying tale. It starts 2 nights ago when I was in my Bed and felt something on my head, brushing it off I thought it must be a spider. I have had such encounters many times - and the small spiders here don't worry me, so I soon fell back to sleep.

Fast forward now to last night. Once again as I was drifting off I felt something, this time on my face. As I brushed it off I heard the flap of wings. I suddenly realised it was not a spider and to my horror in the darkness of my room I saw the shaddowy figure of a gigantic flying cockroach (about the size of a small walrus!) skuttling acoss my pillow.

I sprung out of bed like a man possessed, flicked on the light and stood shivering with disgust in the centre of my room. I felt dirty and violated, not only that such a vile creature had entered the protective cacoon of my mosquito net but also that quite certainly it had been there since the previous night scuttling goodness knows where around my bed as I slept!!!

I grabbed my can of Doom and started searching for it, thanking God at the same time that the electricity was on. Oh my friends, woe betide the "kiss of death!" for the moment I voiced my thanks to God for the electricity, the light started to flicker! In complete panic I started spraying the doom everywhere trying to find the loathsome fat mama. Suddenly it jumped at me - it was a slow motion moment, and I swear I could almost see the whites of it's eyes as it came through the air. I blapsed it down and emptied about half a can of doom onto it, screaching with anger. And there it lay twitching. And no more than 2 seconds later the power went off. Praise be and all glory and thanks to Jesus! For had the power gone off but 10 seconds earlier I would have been in complete darkness not knowing where the detestible thing was and my nightmare would have been complete.

So join in my war cry now -

"death to all roaches, the filth of the earth,
death to all roaches, may you never give birth,
death to all roaches, how dare you you scum,
come into my bed, and make me feel numb,
death to all roaches, I just can't abide,
I'll strike you all down, with Doom at my side,
I'll laugh at you twitching, life ebbing away,
so death to all roaches, forever I say!"